Kids' Lies

"Please, dear God, help Mom and Dad know that I am telling the truth," an 8 year-old boy pleaded. This boy's parents had accused him of lying and he was hoping for a divine rescue. When further evidence was accumulated, it became apparent that the boy was lying and he finally confessed. This boy's parents came to see me because their son had a recurring problem with lying. They had tried spanking him, taking away privileges, grounding him--nothing seemed to work. How should they react to their son’s behavior?

Though lying is certainly a sin, nearly all children lie. But a heavy-handed response is seldom the right way to discourage lying. God promised Abraham and Sarah that they would have a son. Over two decades later, when this couple was well past their childbearing days, the son had still not been born. So the angel of the Lord visited Abraham's tent and announced a son would be born within the year. When Sarah overheard this, she laughed, thinking: "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"

The angel of the Lord confronted Sarah, asking, "Why did [you] laugh? Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

But Sarah denied she laughed: "Sarah was afraid, so she lied, and said, `I did not laugh.'"

But God knew the truth: "Yes, you did laugh."

How did God correct Sarah? He didn't lash her with a fifty minute lecture about the evils of lying. He didn’t tell her she was a bad person. He didn't take back his promise of a son. All he did was mildly correct her: “Yes, you did laugh.” When lying is gently corrected it normally won’t become a major problem.

Furthermore, God did not ask Sarah whether she laughed—He knew she had lied. Instead, he asked why she laughed. If you know your child is lying, don’t give him an opportunity to lie. Don’t ask: “Did you hit your brother?” Rather, say: “I know you hit your brother and we can’t allow that.” Lying can become habitual—don’t give your child unnecessary opportunities to develop that habit.

When we suspected, but couldn’t prove, our boys were lying, Cathy and I reminded them: “The critical issue isn’t our judgment, but God’s judgment. If you are telling the truth, God knows. And if you are lying, God also knows. We’ll leave it between you and God.” When children recognize that the approval of their all-seeing Father is foremost, then lying often becomes a smaller problem. As this truth was planted in our boys' hearts, their squabbles often included this perspective. If two of them came to us with conflicting stories, one of them often turned to the other and said with prophet-like conviction: “God knows!”