Wall-to-Wall Parenting: Part 2

"Cutting Back"

There is an increasing trend in our culture to over-parent. This over-parenting fuels the frantic pace of life that exhausts many parents. If you trim what you do for your children, you will have the energy to give them what they truly need.

You aren’t abusing your child if you don’t attend all of his athletic contests. Many children who grew up in the 60’s and 70’s had parents who seldom watched their children participate in ath-letics. Today we’ve gone to the other extreme. I know parents who even attend all of their child’s practices!

But the constant presence of a parent is unnecessary. One of my favorite childhood memories is summertime, pick-up baseball games. When I was 11 or 12 years old, I biked across town (3-4 miles) to play baseball with my cousins and their friends. (My mom was astonished at how early I would get up to play ball!) We spent the cool mornings playing ball and the hot afternoons swimming. Reminiscing, I find that I am one of those men “who cling as long as life and common sense will let them to the days when a game of baseball could fill a whole afternoon so full that it would run over at the edges.” And this joyous experience took place without the participation of even one adult!

What are you teaching your kids when relationships with God or your spouse or one of your other children bows constantly to a child’s athletic calendar? You may be training your child to expect the whole world to attend to him in the same focused way. Over-parenting often produces self-absorbed children who never learn that the world doesn’t spin around them.

You aren’t abusing your child if you turn in your chauffeur license. Many parents spend a chunk of every day driving their children from one activity to another to another. Let them bike to a friend’s home—the added exercise will be good for them.

But part of the reason we spend so much time ferrying our kids is that we sign them up for too many activities. They need car transportation to meet their tight schedules. Why do we do this? Partly because we fear that an ounce of a child’s talent may be untapped. A parent might reason: “I know my son is already playing soccer and taking guitar lessons, but I better sign him up for golf lessons also. Who knows, he may be the next Tiger Woods!”

But would it have been a tragedy if Tiger Woods parents had placed more emphasis on academics than on golf? Psychologist John Rosemond commented on such a possibility: “Maybe Tiger would have grown up to become a virologist, and maybe he would have discovered a cure for AIDS.”

Some parents won’t cut back their child’s (and thus, their own) commitments because they fear their child’s resistance. Rather than resist, most children are relieved. They want time to be with you, to hang out at home, to read a book, to play with a friend.