When Cathy and I made the initial decision to home school our three boys, the research and writings of Raymond Moore were extremely important. In one of Moore's later books he used a phrase that has stuck with me to this day: he believes that if parents want to pass on their values to their children, it is critical for them to relate warmly to their children.

Now that concept may not sound earth-shattering, but I have seen too many Christian parents who do not relate warmly to their children. They sound more like a drill sergeant than Mister Rogers, barking out directions and corrections.

Josh McDowell has written a recent article for Dallas Seminary's Veritas in which he explains the crying need of children to have a nurturing relationship with their parents, and especially their fathers. After reporting statistics which show that a child who has a fair to poor relationship with his father is much more likely to go into drugs, alcohol, or violence, he told this poignant story:

I was in Phoenix on one occasion speaking at an outdoor high school assembly to about 1700 students. I had been warned that a group of Gothic students, the ones who dress in all-black clothes and have all the piercings and everything, was going to come and try to break up the meeting and thro me off campus, as they had done to every other speaker. I stood on top of some huge boulders to hold the students' attention as I spoke and had just started when six Gothics came up and stood there with menacing looks on their faces. I knew I had to do something, so without the audience knowing it, I switched my talk to speak on intimacy, the capacity to be real with another person.
When I finished speaking, I brought it down to how Christ can help us be real. I stepped off the boulders, and as soon as my feet hit the grass, the head of this group of Gothic students literally leaped toward me while 1700 students gasped. He came within six inches of my nose, but what the students didn't see were the tears just rolling down his cheeks. And they didn't hear him respectfully say to me, "Mr. McDowell, would you give me a hug?"
Before I could even lift my hands, he clamped my arms to my side with a tight hug, put his head on my right shoulder, and cried like a baby. He said, "Mr. McDowell, my father never once hugged me or told me that he loved me." All this young man wanted was the love of his father."

One way parents can develop a warm relationship with their children is by having fun together. When our boys were young they used to pile up all of the pillows and cushions in the house on the living room floor. They would then retreat to a distant room and race with all of the speed they could muster and dive into that pile of softness. They were delighted! We thought their joy was more important than the wear and tear on our furniture. On our family nights we studied the Bible together but also enjoyed some entertainment -- board games, bike rides, card games, movies. We took turns choosing, so that each person would be able to enjoy his favorite entertainment.

The apostle Paul reminds us that love is irreplaceable: "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." Without a warm, loving relationship with our children, all of our advice and teaching will sound like clanging cymbals to their ears.