Forgiveness: Part 2

“The Reluctance to Forgive"

When a famine in Canaan became severe, Jacob was forced to send ten of his sons to Egypt to buy life-sustaining grain. (Benjamin, the new favorite, stayed home.) When they arrived, they were given an audience with the architect of Egypt’s surplus of grain. What a twist of fate! The man was none other than their brother, Joseph. When the brothers stood before Joseph, they didn’t recognize an older, Eyptianized Joseph. But Joseph recognized them immediately.

Put yourself in Joseph’s shoes. These are the brothers who conspired to destroy you. Their cruelty was the cause of incredible suffering--sold to slave traders, re-sold to an Egyptian official, falsely accused of rape, imprisoned for that charge, and more. But now your day has come. You have the opportunity and authority to grind these bullies to a pulp. What will you do?

Joseph didn’t seem to know what to do with them so “he pretended to be a stranger and spoke harshly to them.” He accused them of spying and threw them all in prison. Then he released all but Simeon, warning them that Simeon would only be released if they returned with their brother Benjamin. Was Joseph toying with them? punishing them?

The Bible is not like bedtime fairy tales which offer simple problems and simple solutions. Forgiveness for deep hurts is seldom swift or simple—and it wasn’t for Joseph. Why? Because forgiveness often feels like we are letting people get away with something. Joseph didn’t want his brothers “to admit [they] made a mistake, flip an apology in [his] direction like a fifty-cent gratuity, and go on as if [they] had done nothing worse than burping before dessert.”

Like Joseph, we may want others to feel some of our pain:

• The wife who bitterly complains to her husband about his work schedule, knowing that her nagging bothers him. She wants him to share the pain that she and the kids experience from his absence.
• The sharp-tongued co-worker who hangs on to the dagger of bitterness so that he can stick it into his lazy workmate who won’t carry his load.
• A brother who frequently recounts the cruel deeds of an older brother, hoping to embarrass the brother who caused him so much agony as a child.

If we are honest, we often enjoy tormenting those who have tormented us.