Forgiveness: Part 4

“Forgiveness Doesn’t Whitewash Sin”

Even though Joseph knew that God had used his brothers’ sin to do good, Joseph did not disinfect their sin: You meant evil against me; but God meant it for good. Though Joseph came to understand that God had used his tragedies for good, he was under no illusion that his brothers’ actions were anything but evil. When someone has truly abused you it is important that you don’t sanitize their sin: “Oh, that’s no big deal.” You will never be able to forgive until you have analyzed and acknowledged the full scope of your brother’s sin. (Your analysis may determine that the offense wasn’t as great as you thought it was.)

Nor does a whitewash help the sinner--Joseph’s brothers needed God’s forgiveness even more than their brother’s. Walter Wangerin explains: “It may seem saintly for the wounded party to suffer his pain in silence, and it is surely easier to keep the silence than risk opening wounds; but ... it encourages no change in the sinner.” If I mute your sin and say nothing about it, it may prevent you from dealing with your sin before a Holy God. Jesus told me to remove the tree from my eye so that I can help my brother remove the irritating speck from his eye. Without my truthful but gracious words, the speck might remain.

Furthermore, even though Joseph forgave his brothers and invited them to live near him, forgiveness and reconciliation are separate matters. (The games Joseph played with his grain-seeking brothers may have been designed to see whether he could live near them. Had they changed during the past 20 years?) A wife whose husband has been abusive must forgive him. But it may not be wise to let him back into the house--not all abusers should get their jobs back.

It takes wisdom to know when and how reconciliation should be pursued. Otherwise, the forgiver may simply become a doormat.