Forgiveness: Part 5

“Defining Forgiveness”

When Donald Trump called Rosie O’Donnell a “low-life” and a “mental midget”, what would it mean for Rosie to forgive Donald? (Understand—this is completely hypothetical!) The primary New Testament word for forgiveness means literally to “release” or “let go”. In the same way that Joseph relinquished his opportunities to punish his brothers, Rosie would have to give up her verbal counterattacks (no more comparing Don to a “snake oil salesman.”)

And this desire to return evil for evil, must be relinquished again and again. Throughout the rest of Joseph’s life, he never brought up his brothers’ sin again. In fact, many years after their reconciliation, the brothers dredged up the past when Dad died. They were afraid that Joseph had only been waiting for Jacob’s death. But Joseph still would not blame them, clinging to his enduring conviction that “God intended it for good.” And when they offered themselves as his slaves, Joseph turned them down. Complete forgiveness releases the offending person from any obligations. Joseph asked for no apologies, no reformation, no restitution. Forgiveness steps “outside the systems of law” and steps “into the world of mercy.”

If there is no God, then Rosie and Donald should exact a pound or two of flesh. But Joseph believed in a different sort of justice. When his brothers expressed fear of retaliation, he asked: “Am I in the place of God?” When he forgave, he was releasing his brothers to the True Judge who will give to each person “what is due him for things done in the body.”

Jay Adams has written that when I forgive, I am making three promises:

I will not bring the matter up to you.
I will not bring the matter up to others.
I will not bring the matter up to myself.

Trump and O’Donnell have repeatedly broken all three of these promises. (It’s sad to watch two adults humiliate themselves in such a public brawl.) Adams’ last promise—to not bring the matter up to myself—is the basis of the other two. When I don’t hold onto bitter memories, I won’t use my tongue to hurt you or your name.