Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us, Part 6

Joseph's Compassion

When Joseph’s brothers came before him with a request to buy grain, he charged: You are spies! You have come to see where our land is unprotected! He informed them that the only way they could prove their innocence was for one of them to stay in prison while the others returned home to bring back their only other brother, Benjamin.

The brothers’ hearts sank. Their father, Jacob, would never permit such a risky trip for his now-favored Benjamin. Standing before Joseph (and not knowing that he knew their language) they agonized: Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come upon us. When Joseph heard this, he turned away from them and wept. Why? He felt compassion for them. He saw the agony and guilt that was still strangling their hearts, 20 years after their evil deed!

We often forget about the agony of the guilty. In South Africa during Apartheid, there were many violent deeds committed. Later when Apartheid ended and formal reconciliation of the longtime enemies began, one of the perpetrators of those horrific deeds was drowning in guilt: “They can give me amnesty a thousand times. Even if God and everyone else forgives me a thousand times—I have to live with this hell. The problem is in my head, my conscience. There’s only one way to be free of it. Blow my own brains out. Because that’s where my hell is.” When Joseph saw the hell his brothers were living in, he promised to help them: I will provide for you because five years of famine are still to come. His compassion lead to kindness.

How can compassion transform our relationships? A wife who is struggling with her husband's neglect of their children, can release her anger by remembering that he had an absent father. A husband who resents the irritability of his wife can forgive when he remembers that she is going through menopause. A worker can forgive his stingy boss when she remembers that he doesn’t know the Good Shepherd.

Compassion enables us to lay the past to rest. (Isn’t this what we desperately want?!) When I am stuck in unforgiveness, I am focusing on what has been done to me; on my pain, my health, my welfare. But compassion shifts my eyes from my own pain to my brother’s needs: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.