Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us, Part 7

Forgiveness Removes the Poison

I have a friend who has lived an unstable, alcohol-dependent life for the past forty years. During one of our conversations, my slightly drunk friend became riled when the subject of his dad came up. He yelled: “And when I was in 8th grade he bought me right-handed golf clubs!” My left-handed friend has let that bitter memory drip poison into his life for over 40 years! Does time heal wounds? Only when it is combined with forgiveness.

How many of you would willingly let the person who has hurt you do it again? Would Joseph have given his brothers permission to throw him in a pit, threaten to kill him, and sell him again into slavery? Heaven forbid! But my friend is letting his father continue to abuse him in his memories. If he doesn’t learn how to forgive, his dad will keep abusing him, even after Dad is dead!

Reliving painful memories has corroded my friend’s strength for life's daily challenges. As Jesus said, “Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Joseph certainly forgave his brothers early in his trials. Otherwise, the rot of unforgiveness would have sapped his energy for serving Potiphar, the prison warden, and Pharaoh.

The longer we delay forgiving the sinner, the more entrenched the hurt becomes: “It is wiser to begin working toward forgiveness before the sting has begun to swell. Before the molehill mushrooms into a mountain. Before bitterness sets in like an infection.” If I have a splinter in my toe, I don't relish digging it out. But it is not nearly as horrific as leaving it until gangrene sets in and I have to amputate my toe!

Unforgiveness, then, is simply too costly to me: “It is cheaper to pardon than to resent. The high cost of anger, the extravagant expense of hatred, and the unreasonable interest on grudges make resentment out of the question!”