Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us, Part 8

The Journey of Forgiveness

John and Diane were close friends of ours who shared numerous family vacations with us when our kids were young. Though we saw tension in their marriage we didn’t think it was anything fatal and were shocked when John moved out of his home and eventually asked for a divorce. He had become involved with another woman and eventually married her.

Some years later we were with Diane for a few days and we asked her what she had learned about forgiveness. She explained that she had had to learn how to forgive John again and again and again. When she was lonely, she had to forgive him for deserting her. When she struggled financially, she had to forgive him for not providing security for her. When they struggled with issues related to their children, she had to forgive him for destroying the family unity.

Diane learned what Joseph learned: forgiveness is not a once-for-all-time event. It is a state which must be maintained. When Joseph’s brothers came trembling to him when their dad died, fearful that Joseph’s forgiveness had been a sham to please Dad, Joseph repeated his enduring perspective: God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Gen.50:20). Every time Joseph was tempted to become bitter for his lost years or his lost family life or his lost innocence, he probably repeated to himself: God intended it for good, to save many lives. God intended it for good, to save many lives. God intended it for good, to save many lives.

Therefore, to maintain our forgiveness we must be very careful how we view the past. David Augsburger explains: “You may recall the hurt but you may not relive it. No reviewing, no rehashing of the old hurt, no going back to sit on the old gravestones where past grievances lie buried.” There is no indication that Joseph ever relived the day he was thrown into the pit or the day he was sold as a slave or the day he was thrown into the dungeon. Instead, he diligently carried out his God-given tasks.

Forgiveness, especially for life’s deepest hurts, is “a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey.” May God give you the grace to forgive “seventy times seven.”