2012/07/30
Gardening the Soul: Free Water
Wall Drug Store in Wall, South Dakota has become a “must-stop” for many western family vacations. The store built its business by offering free ice water to scorched sightseers. (Did other establishments charge for it?!) God also offers free water:
Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters;
and you, who have no money, come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk, without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy.
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me; hear me, that your soul may live. (55:1-3)
I am repeatedly invited to come, to drink from these free waters. These waters expand into a banquet—the richest of fare. A number of years ago while living in Tampa we were invited to a lavish party to use up a budget surplus at one of the city's country clubs. What a feast! There were bowls of fresh fruits—cantaloupe, strawberries, pineapple; freshly baked breads and muffins; bowls of diverse salads—a tangy potato salad, an exquisite crab salad; plates loaded with crisp, southern fried chicken; a rack of medium-rare prime rib; numerous vegetables: steamed broccoli, honey-glazed carrots, etc. But the prize for my palate was the seafood: mounds of boiled shrimp, steamed crabs, broiled lobster tails, fried grouper. As a guest it was all free, with only one limit—the size of my stomach! But God calls us to come to an even more extravagant feast: eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. This “soul food” is eternally more delectable than an all-you-can-eat gourmet buffet. It alone will quench my deepest thirsts.
Isaiah's invitation is sent to all you who are thirsty. Though all human seedlings are thirsty, not all recognize their thirst. A few years ago I was explaining the course requirements to the students in Intro to the Bible when one asked: "Why do I need to study the Bible? I figure that on a scale of one to ten, my life rates about a six or a seven. Why do I need this book and this class?” What a challenge! I was requiring these students to sacrifice their Saturday mornings for class, asking them to read large sections of the Bible and other books, assigning a lengthy research project. But if I couldn't explain the relevance of this work, I would have lost one student, and possibly, many more.
I screamed a silent "Help!" toward heaven to answer my student's sincere question. God brought this answer to my mind: "During the early years of my marriage I thought I was a pretty good husband. If I had graded our marriage I would have given it about a "B"—that was averaging my "A" and Cathy's "C"! Each time we had a conflict, Cathy ended up tearfully confessing her faults. I graciously accepted her apologies and promised to pray for her. But during my second year in seminary, I enrolled in a course on Biblical family life. And as I was exposed to God's perspective on marriage, I saw that it was my life that was parched: "Lord, I am the one who needs the most help. Change me." I explained to my student that apart from God’s word we can be deceived. But when we drink regularly from God’s word, it shows who we are and who we can become. Drink up!
2012/06/28
Gardening the Soul: Water for the Garden
Life-Nourishing Water
A couple of summers ago I stopped by a parking-lot greenhouse to select a few more annuals to fill out our garden. It was early Monday morning and dour-faced workers were scurrying around in a frenzy—whoever was responsible for the greenhouse over the blistering weekend, had failed to water the seedlings. There were thousands of stressed seedlings, sadly hanging their heads. The staff had begun the joyless task of throwing out tray after tray of scorched seedlings.
The life and productivity of every living plant is dependent upon water. Though newly sprouted seedlings and one hundred year-old oak trees have different needs for water, each would die without water. Knowing my plants' need for water and the uncertainty of timely rains in South Dakota, I spend considerable time analyzing the moisture in the soil, listening to weather reports, eyeing the sky, praying for rain, checking my rain gauge, and watering. During the growing season our yard is frequently criss-crossed with hoses. I recall only once asking God to halt excessive rains. He did—and it didn't rain measurably for the next three months. (A South Dakota native should know better!) For this plains’ gardener, a moderate, all-day rain makes me giddy!
The ancient Israelites—who also lived in a rain-marginal climate, understood the blessing of ample rain. And they used the watering of the land as a metaphor for God's watering of their lives:
Let my teaching fall like rain,
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants. (Deut.32:2)
When summer rain arrives after a dry period, the tender grasses and plants lap it greedily. Within hours they are greener, taller, livelier. It is the same for me. When I lap up God's teaching and his words, this tender plant shoots up as well.
Over the next several blogs I will explore the theme of how God waters our lives so that even when we live in a sun-scorched land, we will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. (Is.58:11)
A couple of summers ago I stopped by a parking-lot greenhouse to select a few more annuals to fill out our garden. It was early Monday morning and dour-faced workers were scurrying around in a frenzy—whoever was responsible for the greenhouse over the blistering weekend, had failed to water the seedlings. There were thousands of stressed seedlings, sadly hanging their heads. The staff had begun the joyless task of throwing out tray after tray of scorched seedlings.
The life and productivity of every living plant is dependent upon water. Though newly sprouted seedlings and one hundred year-old oak trees have different needs for water, each would die without water. Knowing my plants' need for water and the uncertainty of timely rains in South Dakota, I spend considerable time analyzing the moisture in the soil, listening to weather reports, eyeing the sky, praying for rain, checking my rain gauge, and watering. During the growing season our yard is frequently criss-crossed with hoses. I recall only once asking God to halt excessive rains. He did—and it didn't rain measurably for the next three months. (A South Dakota native should know better!) For this plains’ gardener, a moderate, all-day rain makes me giddy!
The ancient Israelites—who also lived in a rain-marginal climate, understood the blessing of ample rain. And they used the watering of the land as a metaphor for God's watering of their lives:
Let my teaching fall like rain,
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants. (Deut.32:2)
When summer rain arrives after a dry period, the tender grasses and plants lap it greedily. Within hours they are greener, taller, livelier. It is the same for me. When I lap up God's teaching and his words, this tender plant shoots up as well.
Over the next several blogs I will explore the theme of how God waters our lives so that even when we live in a sun-scorched land, we will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. (Is.58:11)
2012/05/31
Joseph's Forgiveness, Final Thoughts
When Joseph revealed himself to his brothers, he agonized over their burden of guilt: Do not be distressed and do not be angry for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. Who should have been distressed and angry?! Joseph. But Joseph’s deepest desire toward his brothers was not for revenge, but for their reconciliation with God. His thrice-repeated claim that God was working for good was designed to turn his brothers’ hearts toward a gracious God.
How can an abused set aside his own pain and focus on his abuser’s pain? When he recognizes that his abuser is still highly valued by God: “He is a man for whom Christ died. No one for whom Christ died can be to me an enemy, an object of hate or scorn.” In fact, Jesus “valued each person more highly than he valued his own life!” Every person can become a saint (think of the murderer named Paul!) And my forgiveness may be this person’s only link to God.
Some injured people only crack the door on forgiveness: “I’ll forgive this time, but don’t let it happen again!” But our abusers will hurt us again. To become skilled at forgiving we must give up our demand for perfect behavior, as we understand that human beings are complicated, filled with many contradictions. When Jesus told the disciples that they would have to forgive seventy times seven, he picked a large number because he didn’t want them to become sin accountants. If we are counting it isn’t forgiveness.
Forgiving “opens the window of opportunity.... [It] always opens the future to better possibilities.” Look at all of the good that Joseph’s forgiveness ushered in: Dad was re-united with his favorite son; the whole family was reconciled; the brothers were able to clear away the rubble of their past; the Egyptians saw the model of what the true God can produce in people’s lives. And none of those marvelous things would have happened if Joseph had pursued revenge.
2012/04/25
Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us, Part 8
The Journey of Forgiveness
John and Diane were close friends of ours who shared numerous family vacations with us when our kids were young. Though we saw tension in their marriage we didn’t think it was anything fatal and were shocked when John moved out of his home and eventually asked for a divorce. He had become involved with another woman and eventually married her.
Some years later we were with Diane for a few days and we asked her what she had learned about forgiveness. She explained that she had had to learn how to forgive John again and again and again. When she was lonely, she had to forgive him for deserting her. When she struggled financially, she had to forgive him for not providing security for her. When they struggled with issues related to their children, she had to forgive him for destroying the family unity.
Diane learned what Joseph learned: forgiveness is not a once-for-all-time event. It is a state which must be maintained. When Joseph’s brothers came trembling to him when their dad died, fearful that Joseph’s forgiveness had been a sham to please Dad, Joseph repeated his enduring perspective: God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Gen.50:20). Every time Joseph was tempted to become bitter for his lost years or his lost family life or his lost innocence, he probably repeated to himself: God intended it for good, to save many lives. God intended it for good, to save many lives. God intended it for good, to save many lives.
Therefore, to maintain our forgiveness we must be very careful how we view the past. David Augsburger explains: “You may recall the hurt but you may not relive it. No reviewing, no rehashing of the old hurt, no going back to sit on the old gravestones where past grievances lie buried.” There is no indication that Joseph ever relived the day he was thrown into the pit or the day he was sold as a slave or the day he was thrown into the dungeon. Instead, he diligently carried out his God-given tasks.
Forgiveness, especially for life’s deepest hurts, is “a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey.” May God give you the grace to forgive “seventy times seven.”
John and Diane were close friends of ours who shared numerous family vacations with us when our kids were young. Though we saw tension in their marriage we didn’t think it was anything fatal and were shocked when John moved out of his home and eventually asked for a divorce. He had become involved with another woman and eventually married her.
Some years later we were with Diane for a few days and we asked her what she had learned about forgiveness. She explained that she had had to learn how to forgive John again and again and again. When she was lonely, she had to forgive him for deserting her. When she struggled financially, she had to forgive him for not providing security for her. When they struggled with issues related to their children, she had to forgive him for destroying the family unity.
Diane learned what Joseph learned: forgiveness is not a once-for-all-time event. It is a state which must be maintained. When Joseph’s brothers came trembling to him when their dad died, fearful that Joseph’s forgiveness had been a sham to please Dad, Joseph repeated his enduring perspective: God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Gen.50:20). Every time Joseph was tempted to become bitter for his lost years or his lost family life or his lost innocence, he probably repeated to himself: God intended it for good, to save many lives. God intended it for good, to save many lives. God intended it for good, to save many lives.
Therefore, to maintain our forgiveness we must be very careful how we view the past. David Augsburger explains: “You may recall the hurt but you may not relive it. No reviewing, no rehashing of the old hurt, no going back to sit on the old gravestones where past grievances lie buried.” There is no indication that Joseph ever relived the day he was thrown into the pit or the day he was sold as a slave or the day he was thrown into the dungeon. Instead, he diligently carried out his God-given tasks.
Forgiveness, especially for life’s deepest hurts, is “a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey.” May God give you the grace to forgive “seventy times seven.”
2012/04/02
Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us, Part 7
Forgiveness Removes the Poison
I have a friend who has lived an unstable, alcohol-dependent life for the past forty years. During one of our conversations, my slightly drunk friend became riled when the subject of his dad came up. He yelled: “And when I was in 8th grade he bought me right-handed golf clubs!” My left-handed friend has let that bitter memory drip poison into his life for over 40 years! Does time heal wounds? Only when it is combined with forgiveness.
How many of you would willingly let the person who has hurt you do it again? Would Joseph have given his brothers permission to throw him in a pit, threaten to kill him, and sell him again into slavery? Heaven forbid! But my friend is letting his father continue to abuse him in his memories. If he doesn’t learn how to forgive, his dad will keep abusing him, even after Dad is dead!
Reliving painful memories has corroded my friend’s strength for life's daily challenges. As Jesus said, “Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Joseph certainly forgave his brothers early in his trials. Otherwise, the rot of unforgiveness would have sapped his energy for serving Potiphar, the prison warden, and Pharaoh.
The longer we delay forgiving the sinner, the more entrenched the hurt becomes: “It is wiser to begin working toward forgiveness before the sting has begun to swell. Before the molehill mushrooms into a mountain. Before bitterness sets in like an infection.” If I have a splinter in my toe, I don't relish digging it out. But it is not nearly as horrific as leaving it until gangrene sets in and I have to amputate my toe!
Unforgiveness, then, is simply too costly to me: “It is cheaper to pardon than to resent. The high cost of anger, the extravagant expense of hatred, and the unreasonable interest on grudges make resentment out of the question!”
I have a friend who has lived an unstable, alcohol-dependent life for the past forty years. During one of our conversations, my slightly drunk friend became riled when the subject of his dad came up. He yelled: “And when I was in 8th grade he bought me right-handed golf clubs!” My left-handed friend has let that bitter memory drip poison into his life for over 40 years! Does time heal wounds? Only when it is combined with forgiveness.
How many of you would willingly let the person who has hurt you do it again? Would Joseph have given his brothers permission to throw him in a pit, threaten to kill him, and sell him again into slavery? Heaven forbid! But my friend is letting his father continue to abuse him in his memories. If he doesn’t learn how to forgive, his dad will keep abusing him, even after Dad is dead!
Reliving painful memories has corroded my friend’s strength for life's daily challenges. As Jesus said, “Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Joseph certainly forgave his brothers early in his trials. Otherwise, the rot of unforgiveness would have sapped his energy for serving Potiphar, the prison warden, and Pharaoh.
The longer we delay forgiving the sinner, the more entrenched the hurt becomes: “It is wiser to begin working toward forgiveness before the sting has begun to swell. Before the molehill mushrooms into a mountain. Before bitterness sets in like an infection.” If I have a splinter in my toe, I don't relish digging it out. But it is not nearly as horrific as leaving it until gangrene sets in and I have to amputate my toe!
Unforgiveness, then, is simply too costly to me: “It is cheaper to pardon than to resent. The high cost of anger, the extravagant expense of hatred, and the unreasonable interest on grudges make resentment out of the question!”
2012/02/27
Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us, Part 6
Joseph's Compassion
When Joseph’s brothers came before him with a request to buy grain, he charged: You are spies! You have come to see where our land is unprotected! He informed them that the only way they could prove their innocence was for one of them to stay in prison while the others returned home to bring back their only other brother, Benjamin.
The brothers’ hearts sank. Their father, Jacob, would never permit such a risky trip for his now-favored Benjamin. Standing before Joseph (and not knowing that he knew their language) they agonized: Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come upon us. When Joseph heard this, he turned away from them and wept. Why? He felt compassion for them. He saw the agony and guilt that was still strangling their hearts, 20 years after their evil deed!
We often forget about the agony of the guilty. In South Africa during Apartheid, there were many violent deeds committed. Later when Apartheid ended and formal reconciliation of the longtime enemies began, one of the perpetrators of those horrific deeds was drowning in guilt: “They can give me amnesty a thousand times. Even if God and everyone else forgives me a thousand times—I have to live with this hell. The problem is in my head, my conscience. There’s only one way to be free of it. Blow my own brains out. Because that’s where my hell is.” When Joseph saw the hell his brothers were living in, he promised to help them: I will provide for you because five years of famine are still to come. His compassion lead to kindness.
How can compassion transform our relationships? A wife who is struggling with her husband's neglect of their children, can release her anger by remembering that he had an absent father. A husband who resents the irritability of his wife can forgive when he remembers that she is going through menopause. A worker can forgive his stingy boss when she remembers that he doesn’t know the Good Shepherd.
Compassion enables us to lay the past to rest. (Isn’t this what we desperately want?!) When I am stuck in unforgiveness, I am focusing on what has been done to me; on my pain, my health, my welfare. But compassion shifts my eyes from my own pain to my brother’s needs: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
When Joseph’s brothers came before him with a request to buy grain, he charged: You are spies! You have come to see where our land is unprotected! He informed them that the only way they could prove their innocence was for one of them to stay in prison while the others returned home to bring back their only other brother, Benjamin.
The brothers’ hearts sank. Their father, Jacob, would never permit such a risky trip for his now-favored Benjamin. Standing before Joseph (and not knowing that he knew their language) they agonized: Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come upon us. When Joseph heard this, he turned away from them and wept. Why? He felt compassion for them. He saw the agony and guilt that was still strangling their hearts, 20 years after their evil deed!
We often forget about the agony of the guilty. In South Africa during Apartheid, there were many violent deeds committed. Later when Apartheid ended and formal reconciliation of the longtime enemies began, one of the perpetrators of those horrific deeds was drowning in guilt: “They can give me amnesty a thousand times. Even if God and everyone else forgives me a thousand times—I have to live with this hell. The problem is in my head, my conscience. There’s only one way to be free of it. Blow my own brains out. Because that’s where my hell is.” When Joseph saw the hell his brothers were living in, he promised to help them: I will provide for you because five years of famine are still to come. His compassion lead to kindness.
How can compassion transform our relationships? A wife who is struggling with her husband's neglect of their children, can release her anger by remembering that he had an absent father. A husband who resents the irritability of his wife can forgive when he remembers that she is going through menopause. A worker can forgive his stingy boss when she remembers that he doesn’t know the Good Shepherd.
Compassion enables us to lay the past to rest. (Isn’t this what we desperately want?!) When I am stuck in unforgiveness, I am focusing on what has been done to me; on my pain, my health, my welfare. But compassion shifts my eyes from my own pain to my brother’s needs: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
2012/02/02
Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us, Part 5
“Defining Forgiveness”
The primary New Testament word for forgiveness means literally to “release” or “let go”. When Joseph relinquished vengeance toward his brothers, he never picked it up again. In fact, it was his brothers who couldn't let it go. When their father Jacob died years later, they anxiously asked themselves: What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back or all the wrongs we did to him? They were afraid that Joseph had been plotting revenge, only waiting for Dad’s death. But Joseph still would not condemn them for the sludge of the past, only speaking his enduring conviction that God intended it for good... the saving of many lives. And when they offered themselves as his slaves, Joseph turned them down and graciously promised to care for them in the years to come: Don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children. His genuine forgiveness demanded no apologies, no reformation, no restitution. Wow!
The ancient Greeks did not praise forgiveness. They believed forgiveness was appropriate if actions were done primarily through ignorance. But for evil deeds, they thought revenge was the appropriate response. And revenge was sweetest if done by the hands of the injured.
Why didn't Joseph get even with his brothers? He believed in a different sort of justice. When his brothers feared retaliation, he asked: Am I in the place of God? When he forgave, he was releasing his brothers to the True Judge, The He-Never-Errs-In-His-Judging Judge who will give to each person what is due him for things done while in the body, whether good or bad. (II Cor.5:10)
Jay Adams has written that when I forgive, I am making three promises:
I will not bring the matter up to you.
I will not bring the matter up to others.
I will not bring the matter up to myself.
The last promise—to not bring the matter up to myself—is the basis of the other two. When I don’t hold onto bitter memories, I won’t act out thoughts which hurt you or your name.
The primary New Testament word for forgiveness means literally to “release” or “let go”. When Joseph relinquished vengeance toward his brothers, he never picked it up again. In fact, it was his brothers who couldn't let it go. When their father Jacob died years later, they anxiously asked themselves: What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back or all the wrongs we did to him? They were afraid that Joseph had been plotting revenge, only waiting for Dad’s death. But Joseph still would not condemn them for the sludge of the past, only speaking his enduring conviction that God intended it for good... the saving of many lives. And when they offered themselves as his slaves, Joseph turned them down and graciously promised to care for them in the years to come: Don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children. His genuine forgiveness demanded no apologies, no reformation, no restitution. Wow!
The ancient Greeks did not praise forgiveness. They believed forgiveness was appropriate if actions were done primarily through ignorance. But for evil deeds, they thought revenge was the appropriate response. And revenge was sweetest if done by the hands of the injured.
Why didn't Joseph get even with his brothers? He believed in a different sort of justice. When his brothers feared retaliation, he asked: Am I in the place of God? When he forgave, he was releasing his brothers to the True Judge, The He-Never-Errs-In-His-Judging Judge who will give to each person what is due him for things done while in the body, whether good or bad. (II Cor.5:10)
Jay Adams has written that when I forgive, I am making three promises:
I will not bring the matter up to you.
I will not bring the matter up to others.
I will not bring the matter up to myself.
The last promise—to not bring the matter up to myself—is the basis of the other two. When I don’t hold onto bitter memories, I won’t act out thoughts which hurt you or your name.
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