Jesus didn’t trust people. Why? The apostle John explained that Jesus “knew all men” and “knew what was in a man.” Jesus “knows our drowsy indifference to matters of highest importance, our rabid passion for matters that are trivial. He knows we get angrier at missing a bus or being delayed on a runway than we do at crimes of genocide.” (Mark Buchanan -- see last post)

We would be wise to view our fellow man with a similar skepticism because we all sin against one another at an astonishing rate. I inform my beginning students that there are no stupid questions and then I become openly irritated by a question that seems infantile. I promise my son that I will be at his soccer game, but become tangled in a friend’s turmoil. I promise my area chair that I will promptly complete an evaluation form (needed for the renewal of the university’s accreditation), but avoid doing it because I don’t understand the form and won’t ask for clarifications. (I wasn’t paying attention when directions were given in our staff meeting!) On my way to a church board meeting, I promise myself that I am going to let others finish speaking before I speak -- and then repeatedly interrupt my colleagues when I become excited about an idea.

I am convinced that one of the reasons my marriage has survived for 35 years is that neither Cathy nor I expect too much from each other. We understand that with discouraging frequency we are selfish or bossy or cranky or rude. We understand that God is the only one who is always trustworthy and have learned to put our hope in Him. “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength.... But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” (Jer.17:5,7).

Mark Buchanan has written a timely book, entitled: Your God Is Too Safe. He believes that many Christians want God to be "comfortable rather than comforting." We want him "to be peaceable, to keep his peace, to be docile, rather than to be peacemaking." We want a God who makes few demands but who will be our "ace in the hole."

But this is not the God of the Bible. The bad-good models that I talked about in my last post were severely punished for their stubborn rebellion:

• they were scattered over the desert
• in one day 23,000 of them died
• some were killed by snakes
• some were killed by the destroying angel

Paul's God was certainly not safe! And he pleaded with us not to endanger ourselves by following in their footsteps.

Some of my beginning students of the Bible reject the concept of a punishing God. Why? Because it doesn't square with their fuzzy idea of a loving God. But as they are considering Christianity, I ask them to consider whether it is true, not whether they like it. There are many concepts of Christianity that I don't particularly like or understand. But since I believe they are true, I adjust my life accordingly. If I reject truth simply because I don't like it, I do so at great risk to my soul.

As we raise kids in a world with a surplus of bad models, we parents may believe that our children must be isolated from such people. But bad people can be good models. As Cathy and I were studying I Corinthians 10 this morning, Paul repeatedly claimed that the stories of the Israelites who traveled with Moses to Canaan were recorded as "examples" for us. What sort of examples were they? Horrible! In spite of lavish demonstrations of God's incredible power and provision, they set their hearts on evil, became idolaters, indulged in "pagan revelry", committed sexual immorality. Why would Paul hold these pathetic lives up as examples for us? Because bad models can serve as "warnings for us." We see in the broken lives of others the consequences of rebelling against God.

Therefore, children don't have to be quarantined -- if that were possible! -- to be protected from evil. In fact, Carl Spackman believes we should deliberately expose our kids to small does of evil through a process he calls "spiritual inoculation." He defines the process as giving "occasional, small, controlled "injections" of an opposing viewpoint accompanied by careful instruction in how to combat that viewpoint." He believes that small doses of the "disease" will inoculate children from being infected with the full disease. Children who are not inoculated are much more susceptible to the spread of evil in their lives.

For example, you might go to the official atheists website with a teen and discuss the atheists' objections to Christianity. Or visit a feminist website with your daughter to discuss how a feminist view of womanhood differs from the Biblical model. If you can't defend the Biblical perspective, it can provide an opportunity for you and your child to do some research together. You don't have to have answers for all of your children's questions -- you only need a commitment to finding truth.

When Cathy and I made the initial decision to home school our three boys, the research and writings of Raymond Moore were extremely important. In one of Moore's later books he used a phrase that has stuck with me to this day: he believes that if parents want to pass on their values to their children, it is critical for them to relate warmly to their children.

Now that concept may not sound earth-shattering, but I have seen too many Christian parents who do not relate warmly to their children. They sound more like a drill sergeant than Mister Rogers, barking out directions and corrections.

Josh McDowell has written a recent article for Dallas Seminary's Veritas in which he explains the crying need of children to have a nurturing relationship with their parents, and especially their fathers. After reporting statistics which show that a child who has a fair to poor relationship with his father is much more likely to go into drugs, alcohol, or violence, he told this poignant story:

I was in Phoenix on one occasion speaking at an outdoor high school assembly to about 1700 students. I had been warned that a group of Gothic students, the ones who dress in all-black clothes and have all the piercings and everything, was going to come and try to break up the meeting and thro me off campus, as they had done to every other speaker. I stood on top of some huge boulders to hold the students' attention as I spoke and had just started when six Gothics came up and stood there with menacing looks on their faces. I knew I had to do something, so without the audience knowing it, I switched my talk to speak on intimacy, the capacity to be real with another person.
When I finished speaking, I brought it down to how Christ can help us be real. I stepped off the boulders, and as soon as my feet hit the grass, the head of this group of Gothic students literally leaped toward me while 1700 students gasped. He came within six inches of my nose, but what the students didn't see were the tears just rolling down his cheeks. And they didn't hear him respectfully say to me, "Mr. McDowell, would you give me a hug?"
Before I could even lift my hands, he clamped my arms to my side with a tight hug, put his head on my right shoulder, and cried like a baby. He said, "Mr. McDowell, my father never once hugged me or told me that he loved me." All this young man wanted was the love of his father."

One way parents can develop a warm relationship with their children is by having fun together. When our boys were young they used to pile up all of the pillows and cushions in the house on the living room floor. They would then retreat to a distant room and race with all of the speed they could muster and dive into that pile of softness. They were delighted! We thought their joy was more important than the wear and tear on our furniture. On our family nights we studied the Bible together but also enjoyed some entertainment -- board games, bike rides, card games, movies. We took turns choosing, so that each person would be able to enjoy his favorite entertainment.

The apostle Paul reminds us that love is irreplaceable: "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." Without a warm, loving relationship with our children, all of our advice and teaching will sound like clanging cymbals to their ears.

How often have you heard the following interchange?

Questioner: "How do you like being a grandparent? "

New grandparent: "I love it! And the best part is that I get to send them home when I've had enough."

When Cathy and I became grandparents three years ago, it didn't take long to begin hearing that standard question. At first, we dutifully gave the expected answer. But as we thought about it, we realized that answer didn't reflect our attitude toward being grandparents. So we have a new response: "We love being grandparents, but the worst part is that you have to send them home."

Children are too often seen as an imposition on adult life. A father might turn down an offer to play golf with his buddies, complaining: "I have to babysit the kids." Fathers as babysitters?! I think God had much more in mind than babysitting when he gave children to fathers. And the same goes for grandparents. Our grandkids are not objects that we use for our entertainment. (Is that why many grandparents foolishly indulge their grandkids' every whim and won't say "no" because it might raise a child's ire?) God has a greater purpose for grandparents than the spoiling of their grandchildren. He has told us to teach God's truth to our children and "to their children after them." May God help us give our grandkids what they need -- not what they want.

After I wrote the above post, my wife read it and related an interesting story. A few days earlier she had been with a friend whose 11 year-old granddaughter was with her. Cathy told her friend our new way of talking about our role as grandparents. After hearing Cathy say that the worst part of grandparenting was that you had to take the children home at some point, the friend's grandchild said: "I'm going to ask my mom if she [Cathy] can be my babysitter." It took Cathy a second to understand what she was saying, but soon realized what an insightful comment that young girl had made. Children want to be with adults who want to be with them. And they have rather keen insight into who is genuinely interested in them and who is not.