Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us, Part 4

“Forgiveness Doesn’t Minimize Sin”

A true injury should not be sanitized: “Oh, that’s no big deal.” Though Joseph came to understand that God had used his brothers’ sin for good, he still believed their intent was to do evil. (Gen.50:20). As C.S. Lewis has written, “Christianity does not want us to reduce by one atom the hatred we feel for cruelty and treachery. We ought to hate them.” Thus the Bible commands us to be angry and do not sin.

Why is the forgiver’s anger important? First, if I let my anger go too quickly, I may lose the drive to protect myself (and others) from being injured again by this person. The games Joseph played with his grain-seeking brothers—jail time for all, jail time for one, their silver secretly returned in their sacks—may have been designed to answer the questions: Have they changed? Should I seek a relationship with them? A wife whose husband has been abusive must forgive him. But it may not be wise to let him back into the house—not all abusers should get their jobs back.

Lewis Smedes explains the gulf between forgiveness and reconciliation:

It takes one person to forgive.
It takes two to be reunited.

We can forgive a person who never says he is sorry.
We cannot be truly reunited unless he is honestly sorry.

Forgiving has no strings attached.
Reunion has several strings attached.

Rightful anger is also important because the sinner needs to see his sin through the eyes of a righteous God. Joseph’s brothers needed God’s forgiveness even more than their brother’s. Though it may have been easier for Joseph to suffer in silence, calling his brother’s actions evil may have helped them face their guilt before a holy God. Otherwise, they may have concluded that no real change was needed.

Though the forgiver’s anger must never turn to vengeance, it doesn’t have to abandon justice. (Admittedly, the line between vengeance and justice is faint and unsteady). Or as Lewis has written, “we may punish, if necessary, but we must not enjoy it.” A forgiving Joseph would have been justified in throwing his wicked brothers in prison.

Forgiveness, reconciliation and justice are separate issues.