Have you ever tallied the people you encounter in your daily life? My partial list includes: my wife, my kids, my grandkids, my neighbors, my students, members of my church, extended family, fellow board members of a local ministry, business associates, athletic friends, men from a morning Bible study. But that isn’t all. Modern technology allows me to have regular contact with former students & classmates, missionaries in the Ukraine and Israel, former Sioux Falls residents, couples I taught at a summer Family Camp. Furthermore, I am presently corresponding with two former candidates for Senior Pastor of our church (I was the chairman of the Search Committee) and the wife (whom I have never met) of a troubled former student.
Many of us feel like we are drowning in a crowded sea of relationships. This isn’t the way it was a century ago. Professor Ken Gergen explains: A century ago, social relationships were largely confined to the distance of an easy walk. Most were conducted in person, within small communities: family, neighbors, townspeople. Yes, the horse and carriage made longer trips possible, but even a trip of thirty miles could take all day. The railroad could speed one away, but cost and availability limited such travel. If one moved from the community, relationships were likely to end.
Now obviously, in a Biblical lifestyle, people are very important—the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. But that doesn’t mean that I am obligated to develop a relationship with every person who drifts through my life. In descending order, Jesus spent the most time with his closest friends (Peter, James and John), next the Twelve, then a committed group of 72 disciples, the larger body of disciples, and finally, the masses.
Many of us feel harried because we are trying to keep up with too many relationships. Thus, relationships—which are designed to be renewing—become a drain on us. When I flit from one shallow relationship to another, who knows when I am tempted? when I am hurting? when I need encouragement?
When I try to maintain too many relationships, I don’t have time for the most important relationships. Who begs me to spend 15 minutes reading with my kids at bedtime? Who exhorts me to spend quiet time with God? Who twists my arm to date my wife? In Deuteronomy, Moses explained that a newly married husband was freed from work and military duties for one year so he could bring happiness to his bride. Wow! A 52 week honeymoon!
God wants us to give priority to our most significant relationships. We can’t do this unless we say “No” to many other relationships.
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