“The Cost of Unforgiveness”
As I have meditated on Joseph’s life, I have wondered, When did he forgive his brothers? Though not stated explicitly, I think it happened early in Joseph’s trials. Why do I believe this? Because the fruit of unforgiveness would have prevented him from successfully serving Potiphar, the prison warden, and Pharaoh.
I have a friend named Jeff who for the last 40 years has lived an unstable, alcohol-dependent life. During one of our conversations, my slightly drunk friend became riled when the subject of his dad came up. He yelled: “And when I was in 8th grade he bought me right-handed golf clubs!” Left-handed Jeff has let that bitter memory drip poison into his life for over 40 years! Does time heal wounds? Only when it is combined with forgiveness.
How many of you would willingly let the person who has hurt you do it again? Would Joseph have wanted his brothers to throw him in a pit, threaten to kill him, and sell him again into slavery? Heaven forbid! But Jeff is letting his father continue to abuse him in his memories. If Jeff doesn’t learn how to forgive, his dad will keep abusing him – even after Dad is dead!
Reliving painful memories corrodes our strength for daily living. As Jesus said, “Each day has enough trouble of its own.” If I relive yesterday’s trouble, I won’t have the strength for today’s trouble.
Unforgiveness, then, is simply too costly to me: “Hatred is self-destructive. It is cheaper to pardon than to resent. The high cost of anger, the extravagant expense of hatred, and the unreasonable interest on grudges make resentment out of the question!”
2007/01/30
2007/01/12
Forgiveness: Part 5
“Defining Forgiveness”
When Donald Trump called Rosie O’Donnell a “low-life” and a “mental midget”, what would it mean for Rosie to forgive Donald? (Understand—this is completely hypothetical!) The primary New Testament word for forgiveness means literally to “release” or “let go”. In the same way that Joseph relinquished his opportunities to punish his brothers, Rosie would have to give up her verbal counterattacks (no more comparing Don to a “snake oil salesman.”)
And this desire to return evil for evil, must be relinquished again and again. Throughout the rest of Joseph’s life, he never brought up his brothers’ sin again. In fact, many years after their reconciliation, the brothers dredged up the past when Dad died. They were afraid that Joseph had only been waiting for Jacob’s death. But Joseph still would not blame them, clinging to his enduring conviction that “God intended it for good.” And when they offered themselves as his slaves, Joseph turned them down. Complete forgiveness releases the offending person from any obligations. Joseph asked for no apologies, no reformation, no restitution. Forgiveness steps “outside the systems of law” and steps “into the world of mercy.”
If there is no God, then Rosie and Donald should exact a pound or two of flesh. But Joseph believed in a different sort of justice. When his brothers expressed fear of retaliation, he asked: “Am I in the place of God?” When he forgave, he was releasing his brothers to the True Judge who will give to each person “what is due him for things done in the body.”
Jay Adams has written that when I forgive, I am making three promises:
I will not bring the matter up to you.
I will not bring the matter up to others.
I will not bring the matter up to myself.
Trump and O’Donnell have repeatedly broken all three of these promises. (It’s sad to watch two adults humiliate themselves in such a public brawl.) Adams’ last promise—to not bring the matter up to myself—is the basis of the other two. When I don’t hold onto bitter memories, I won’t use my tongue to hurt you or your name.
When Donald Trump called Rosie O’Donnell a “low-life” and a “mental midget”, what would it mean for Rosie to forgive Donald? (Understand—this is completely hypothetical!) The primary New Testament word for forgiveness means literally to “release” or “let go”. In the same way that Joseph relinquished his opportunities to punish his brothers, Rosie would have to give up her verbal counterattacks (no more comparing Don to a “snake oil salesman.”)
And this desire to return evil for evil, must be relinquished again and again. Throughout the rest of Joseph’s life, he never brought up his brothers’ sin again. In fact, many years after their reconciliation, the brothers dredged up the past when Dad died. They were afraid that Joseph had only been waiting for Jacob’s death. But Joseph still would not blame them, clinging to his enduring conviction that “God intended it for good.” And when they offered themselves as his slaves, Joseph turned them down. Complete forgiveness releases the offending person from any obligations. Joseph asked for no apologies, no reformation, no restitution. Forgiveness steps “outside the systems of law” and steps “into the world of mercy.”
If there is no God, then Rosie and Donald should exact a pound or two of flesh. But Joseph believed in a different sort of justice. When his brothers expressed fear of retaliation, he asked: “Am I in the place of God?” When he forgave, he was releasing his brothers to the True Judge who will give to each person “what is due him for things done in the body.”
Jay Adams has written that when I forgive, I am making three promises:
I will not bring the matter up to you.
I will not bring the matter up to others.
I will not bring the matter up to myself.
Trump and O’Donnell have repeatedly broken all three of these promises. (It’s sad to watch two adults humiliate themselves in such a public brawl.) Adams’ last promise—to not bring the matter up to myself—is the basis of the other two. When I don’t hold onto bitter memories, I won’t use my tongue to hurt you or your name.
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