When our youngest was 11 he was playing in a championship soccer game that ended regulation in a tie. As a result, the game went to a shootout—each team was given five penalty kicks—to determine the eventual champion. My son’s team won the shootout 3-1 and my son was one of the boys who successfully executed the penalty shot. After the game I asked him: “Were you nervous?” He responded: “Not really. The net looked so big, I didn’t see how I could miss!” What was the source of his confidence ? It was based primarily on past successes on the playing field.
Child development expert, David Elkind, has pointed out that “childhood is the time when children establish either a firm sense of industry—that they can do a job and do it well—or an abiding sense of inferiority, a sense that whatever they undertake will end badly.” Every child needs to feel that he is uniquely good at something—whether it is playing a musical instrument, hitting a tennis ball, or drawing a picture. Success in sports can give children an I-can-do-it attitude toward other challenges at school, at work, in a marriage, in a walk with God.
God's standard for success is faithfulness: Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. (I Cor.4:2) Each child has been entrusted with varying amounts and types of talents. It is our job as parents to help our kids recognize how God has uniquely gifted them for various tasks in life. (Sports is just one small area.) When our son, Andrew, began playing soccer, I (who was also his coach) noticed that he had the endurance of a South Dakota winter. As a result, I chose to play him as a midfielder. Though he scored occasionally, I told him his job was broader than that--he also had to think defensively. But his older brother, Nathan, who also played soccer, was a scorer. After one game in which Nathan had scored two goals, he gave the family a very animated description of how he had scored. Near the end of his story, Andrew leaned over to me and whispered: "Dad, I'm not supposed to score goals, am I?" I whispered back: "No, Andrew, your job is to get the ball from our opponents and get it to our scorers." Andrew became content not scoring because success had been defined in a way that fit his talents.
You can help your child be successful by setting achievable goals that fit his God-given talents:
- pulling down a certain number of rebounds
- scoring one goal in a whole season
- making 50% of his free throws
- tackling two opponents
When I was a boy one of my best friends played on a baseball team that was made up of boys who were cut by Little League teams. My friend--who wasn't a talented player--had two hitting goals that season. The first was to wrangle a walk as often as he could. He did that with some frequency. The second goal was to make contact with the ball at least once during the season! That took longer. When he finally made contact and dribbled the ball to the infield our bench erupted with joy. Success is everything!
