Forgiveness: The Only Remedy

Imagine growing up in a large family--you had eleven brothers. But one of your brothers was Dad’s favorite. On one occasion your joyous Dad came home with a brand new, expensive leather coat for the favorite. But then Dad herded the rest of you to Goodwill to pick out your used, winter coats. Now Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, ... and he made him a richly ornamented robe for him. As a result, you developed ill feelings toward this brother who strutted around the house in his special coat. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him. Now your brother not only flaunted his possession, but he also boasted about his special position. Listen to this dream I had: We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it. Your brother’s arrogance created a growing, smoldering anger in you and your siblings. And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.

Many of us have been deeply wounded by the sins and insensitivity of others. Some of those painful memories hit us with the “blunt impact of a sledgehammer, with enough force to knock [us] loose from the present.” As a result, we would be willing to trade “almost anything for a magic sponge to wipe just a few moments off the tables of time.”

The only way to remove this “nettle in our memory” is through “a surgical procedure called forgiveness. It is not as though forgiving is the remedy of choice among other options. It is the only remedy.” Over the next several posts I plan to use the story of Joseph and his brothers to discuss forgiveness--the only cure for broken hearts.

As the story of Joseph reveals, the abuses in relationships are seldom one-sided. Dad committed the sin of favoritism (which he learned at his mother’s knee) and the sin of indifference (he made feeble attempts to resolve these conflicts). Joseph sinned by flaunting his role as the favorite. Joseph’s brothers sinned by nursing a hatred of Joseph.

All of this produced a cauldron of animosity and bitterness which boiled over into violence. Joseph, who was the most privileged, became the most abused. Thus, this is primarily a story about how he came to forgive his brothers.

Perfect Kids, Part 2

Near the end of Jesus’ ministry two of his disciples came to him with an urgent request. But before they made their request they wanted Jesus to pledge that he would grant their request. Now real­ly--how gullible did they think he was?! How would you respond if your child said: "I have something I desperately want. But before I make my request, you have to promise to give it to me." You would laugh into next year. Even so, Jesus asked them what they wanted: “Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.”

Now put yourself in Jesus’ shoes--you have been with these disciples for 2-3 years, coaching, cajoling, correcting, caring for them. These are the men you chose to carry your eternal message to the ends of the earth. And this childish request came only a few days after Jesus caught the Twelve arguing about who was the greatest among them. Ugh! My response would have been: “You want, what?! Have you learned nothing you bumbling idiots?! How many times have I told you that it is servants who are the greatest in God’s kingdom?!”

But this wasn't Jesus' method. He quietly gathered them around him, gently explaining, again, that this was not how things would be. Though their attitudes were normal among worldly people, he softly and simply reproached them: “Not so with you.” Unfortunately, there is little of this grace in many Christian homes. These parents bark out correction like a hard-nosed CEO: "Cut that out!" "Stop that!" "Don't you ever say that again!” "Can't you ever do anything right?"

Though we obviously can’t abandon standards, we must periodically review those standards. Is it reasonable for

· a 5 year-old to keep his room as spotless as an adult's?
· siblings to always remember to be quiet while the baby sleeps?
· a teen to be home before his curfew 100% of the time?
· a child to never whine about her chores?

Maturity is a slow, snail-like process that needs nurturing.

Faltering kids need gracious and consistent correction. When your exhausted toddler refuses to pick up his toys he may need your help more than he needs a spanking. When a 5 year-old hits his sister because she won’t share her treat, it may be sufficient to remind him that he can’t treat his sister that way. When your angry teen shouts, "You never let me do anything!", the best response may be: "Please change your tone of voice so we can talk about this calmly."

Imperfection is a part of being human. But our response to these imperfections will help or hinder our kids’ progress toward maturity.

"Perfect Kids, Part 1"

Over ten years ago, I wrote:

Though I have been a Christian for over 20 years, I must confess that there are stubborn sins that tenaciously hang on despite laboring with God to remove them. A few of my many short-comings include:

· My compliments are about as frequent as July snow.
· I forget appointments as I am driving to them!
· I make suggestions sound like com­mands.
· I groundlessly justify myself when I should simply apologize.


I won't bore you or embarrass you with a total list of my defects, but you get the point. Am I discouraged by my failings? At times. But normally my flaws don’t crush me because I know that imperfection is a part of being human. As the saying goes, no one is perfect.

So with this insight into human nature, what kind of expec­tations do I have of my three teenage boys? I expect them to ALWAYS remember my instructions. I expect them to speak gracious­ly in ALL circumstances to their brothers. I expect them to ALWAYS be attentive when I speak to them. I expect them NEVER to use their fists to settle an argument. I expect them to NEVER make fun of another child. I expect them to be ALWAYS respectful of me as their father. I expect them to NEVER become angry during a family discussion. And when they fail to meet these "reasona­ble" standards, I bellow at their infirmities: "I am sick and
tired of you talking to your brother like that. Cut it out!"

Before Cathy and I had children, we read several books about parenting. It didn't sound too difficult--we would be perfect parents; our kids would be perfect children. Right? Wrong! Our expectations crashed into reality. And after nearly 2 decades of parenting, we still frequently LOWER our expectations of our boys. They won't always be respectful. They won't always be gracious. They won't always remember their responsibilities. As I hope others will be patient with my failings, I also need to be patient with my children’s failings.

Surviving Our Troubles: First Responses

Impatience may be our most defining national trait. We borrow against future income. We run red lights to save 30 seconds. We fret if a church service runs a few minutes late.

But we aren’t alone. The Israelites were impatient to remove the threat of the violent Assyrians. As a result, their diplomats scurried south to make an alliance with the Egyptians, the only other Super Power. But God was not pleased:

"Woe to the obstinate children," declares the Lord,
to those who carry out plans that are not mine,
forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit,
who go down to Egypt without consulting me;
who look for help to Pharaoh's protection,
... but do not look to the Holy One of Israel,
or seek help from the Lord.

Why is my natural response in large and small storms to seek my own counsel first? Why do I wait until the Egyptians disappoint me before I turn to God?

As I was writing this post I became frustrated with how it was being expressed—and then remembered that I had been struggling with words rather than depending on the Word! Amazing--even when I write about dependence I find it difficult to depend.

Rather than rushing to correct a child with a bad attitude, rather than taking the first job offered after being fired, rather than whining to others about how a best friend hurt us, rather than bolting to a new church when a pastor disappoints us, our first response should always be to turn to God.

The great news is that we have a Father who is committed to guiding us down life’s bumpy roads:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight. (Prov.3:3,4)

Surviving Our Troubles: “Life’s Imbedded Thorns”

“Life’s Imbedded Thorns”

You think you have problems, listen to the Apostle Paul’s list: He was imprisoned frequently, stoned ruthlessly, flogged repeatedly, and shipwrecked tragically. He lived always on the edge: “in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers.” This sounds more like the script from an Indiana Jones movie than the life-story of an itinerant gospel preacher!

Unfortunately, many of us expect the Christian life to be a picnic with a few minor irritations like flies in the potato salad or a few bug bites -- we don’t expect a hungry lion lurking in the bushes. But Paul’s life reminds us that life is a battle against an Enemy who “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

Paul was nearly devoured by his “thorn in the flesh.” When he first received the thorn (a physical ailment?), he called it a “messenger of Satan.” But by the time the thorn had worked its way deep into Paul’s soul, it was something he would “boast” about because it taught him that God’s “grace is sufficient,” that God’s “power is made perfect in weakness.” (II Cor.12:7-10) Why won’t God heal a broken relationship with my sibling? remove my financial struggles? restore my child’s health? Not all of my problems are designed to be wholly solved. These thorny problems remain to keep me humble, dependent on God’s power.

God answered Paul’s prayer for relief from suffering with a resounding “NO!” What was Paul’s agenda? He wanted the thorn promptly removed. What was God’s agenda? To leave it firmly imbedded. He leaves painful barbs in our lives to remind us that life is too much, that we are too weak, that our problems are too overwhelming--if we don’t rely on Him.

The Da Vinci Code: Facts vs. Faith?

Dan Brown apparently believes that the historical claims made by Christianity are false. His hero, Robert Langdon, explains: “Every faith is based on fabrication. That is the definition of faith -- acceptance of that which we imagine to be true, that which we cannot prove.” Sophie was troubled by this perspective: “My friends who are devout Christians definitely believe that Christ literally walked on water, literally turned water into wine, and was born of a literal virgin birth.” Though Langdon would never accept the literal truth of those events, believing those lies is not necessarily bad: “Living in that reality helps millions of people cope and be better people.”

Near the end of the movie, Langdon expressed a similar perspective. Though he didn’t believe the ancient documents could prove that Jesus was anything other than a great man, he told Sophie that when he nearly drowned as a boy, he prayed to Jesus. Langdon’s advice for Sophie was: “What matters is what you believe.” Even though Jesus is probably dust in some unknown grave in Palestine, praying fervently to him will somehow transform reality and you will receive what you ask for.

Is my belief all that matters? Are the historical claims of Christianity meaningless? Not in the least. The object of our faith is much more critical than our faith. If I were to go to any nearby lake tomorrow and attempt to ice skate across it, it wouldn’t matter how much faith I have, I would get very wet! On the other hand, if I go to any of those lakes in January and attempt the same feat, it doesn’t matter if I am quaking in my skates, the foot of ice on the surface of the lake will carry me across the lake. The object (the ice) is far more important than my faith in getting me across the lake.

Christianity is an historical religion. Without its history, we have next to nothing: “If Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is useless and so is your faith.”

Dan Brown’s treatment of Biblical history denigrates and confuses the faith. Christians believe in a real, risen, reigning Jesus. He alone gives substance and support to our growing faith. Faith in anything else, no matter how deep, will end in disappointment and death.

The Da Vinci Code: Worshiping the Goddess

The fictional Robert Langdon of Harvard claimed that the church successfully waged “a campaign of propaganda that demonized the sacred feminine, obliterating the goddess from modern religion forever.” (p.124) Why would the church want to banish the goddess? Langdon claimed that the church was threatened by the belief that sex was the means “through which [a person] became spiritually whole.” If worshipers could “commune directly with God”, then this “left the Church out of the loop, undermining their self-proclaimed status as the sole conduit to God.” The church sought to “demonize sex and recast it as a disgusting and sinful act” as a way of holding onto its power over people.

Though at times the church came close to demonizing sex, Brown’s flattering view of these fertility religions is worse. What were these pagan religions really like? Goddess worship presented a sickening combination of sex and violence -- Hollywood was not the first to join these two! The famous archaeologist, W.F. Albright, described this female goddess' thirst for blood: “`With might she hewed down the people of the cities, she smote the folk of the sea-coast, she slew the men of the sunrise.’ After filling her temple (it seems) with men, she barred the gates so that none might escape, after which `she hurled chairs at the youths, tables at the warriors, footstools at the men of might.’ The blood was so deep that she waded in it up to her knees -- nay up to her neck. Under her feet were human heads, above her human hands flew like locusts. In her sensuous delight she decorated herself with suspended heads, while she attached hands to her girdle. Her joy at butchery is described in even more sadistic language: `Her liver swelled with laughter, her heart was full of joy, the liver of Astarte was full of exultation.’ Afterwards she was satisfied and washed her hands in human gore.”

Why does it matter that Langdon has these ancient religions so wrong? Because his benign treatment is used to sell sex as a means of salvation. When Langdon told his students that “sex is natural -- a cherished route to spiritual fulfillment,” a perceptive student asked: “Are you saying that instead of going to chapel, we should have more sex?” This is the natural conclusion to this philosophy. And it is a conclusion that leads to all sorts of sexual and even sadistic perversions since this false god can’t ultimately satisfy. Why not an affair? Why not group sex? Why not combine sex with worship?

But the worship of sex always leads to death. When we forsake the worship of the One True God and worship the gifts he has given us, then we begin a downward spiral toward death and destruction.