During our season of parenting I once calculated the commitments that my boys’ involvement in soccer required. One of them played on his school soccer team. All three of them participated on a city league team--which had a spring and a fall season. Two of them played on a traveling team. Adding up all those soccer practices and games, the commitments totaled over 100 separate entries on our family calendar!
Children are inundated with opportunities today. Our kids can play a dozen or more sports--many of them year-round. They can learn to play a musical instrument. They can sing in the school or church choir. They can attend a church or computer camp. Oh, yes, and they still have school nearly 40 hours each week! No wonder Marie Winn has said that many children today look like tired businessmen. And we parents must take the blame for allowing them to become overscheduled. We fill our children’s schedules because we fear that we might be depriving them of something important. But what do our children really need?
Many parents keep their kids (and themselves!) busy, busy, busy, because they don’t really know what children need to grow up and become a mature disciple of Jesus Christ. If your daughter is playing on the school’s volleyball team will her life be stunted if she doesn’t join the dance team also? Does your seventh grade boy—who has shown only moderate interest in basketball—really need to attend 2 basketball camps this summer? Will your child actually drop hopelessly behind his peers if he skips one season of softball?
Many parents seem to believe that if a child complained: “I’m bored”, it would be an indictment against their parenting. You are not your child’s Recreation Director! It is very important that children learn how to be alone, to be quiet. It is in boredom or quietness that they have the time to think, rest, reflect, read their Bibles.
A recent poll by KidsHealth found that over 40% of kids feel stressed most or all of the time because they have “too much to do.” Let your children be children and give them an ample amount of unstructured time.
2008/06/03
The Time Crunch: Hearing God’s Voice
I often hear people ask: “How do I hear the voice of God?” This is a problem in our noisy world. If you want to have a serious conversation with your spouse, do you make sure that every T.V. and radio in the house is blasting at full strength? Obviously not. You want quiet. Similarly, if you want to hear God’s voice you must reduce the noise. What is noise? It is whatever fills or distracts our minds—radios, CD players, the internet, T.V., household appliances, children’s voices, etc., etc. If the decibels are not turned down, trying to hear God’s voice is like trying to converse with a friend at a very loud rock concert or a playoff football game in the Metrodome.
In several of these posts on The Time Crunch I have urged you to hear God’s voice as the basis for escaping from a harried lifestyle. When you know what God wants you to do, it is much easier to say “No” when asked to do something different. But how do we turn down the noise?
Cathy and I recently returned from a vacation with our kids and grandkids. Wow! We had forgotten how demanding young children can be. All day long we were engulfed by their chatter and their arguments and their shrieks and their laughter. How does a mother of young children find time to hear God speak? She may need to rise early because it is the only time she can have uninterrupted time with God.
Jesus also made quiet time with God a priority. After a strenuous day of ministry that lasted well into the night, very early the next morning, while it was still dark, he left the house and went to a solitary place to pray. Jesus knew what was coming. He knew that the daily racket of people’s needs would make it difficult to hear the voice of His Father throughout the day. So he began the day tuning his ear to the Father.
Each person’s life circumstances are somewhat different. At this stage of my life it isn’t difficult to find quiet time in my daily schedule. But if you do struggle to find time for God, look carefully at your habit patterns. Do you need to watch Sportscenter each morning? Could you get up 15 minutes earlier? Could you put off checking your e-mail until you have had some time to read your Bible and converse with God? Could you devote your lunch break to be alone with God?
Learning to discern God’s voice takes time and diligence. A five minute devotional at the end of the day isn’t enough. How well would you know your mate’s desires if you only spent five minutes a day communicating?! As with a marriage, so it is with God—there must be extended times of quiet interaction to be able to hear His voice. Would you set aside some extra time this week to be with your Father? He is waiting and wanting to talk with you.
In several of these posts on The Time Crunch I have urged you to hear God’s voice as the basis for escaping from a harried lifestyle. When you know what God wants you to do, it is much easier to say “No” when asked to do something different. But how do we turn down the noise?
Cathy and I recently returned from a vacation with our kids and grandkids. Wow! We had forgotten how demanding young children can be. All day long we were engulfed by their chatter and their arguments and their shrieks and their laughter. How does a mother of young children find time to hear God speak? She may need to rise early because it is the only time she can have uninterrupted time with God.
Jesus also made quiet time with God a priority. After a strenuous day of ministry that lasted well into the night, very early the next morning, while it was still dark, he left the house and went to a solitary place to pray. Jesus knew what was coming. He knew that the daily racket of people’s needs would make it difficult to hear the voice of His Father throughout the day. So he began the day tuning his ear to the Father.
Each person’s life circumstances are somewhat different. At this stage of my life it isn’t difficult to find quiet time in my daily schedule. But if you do struggle to find time for God, look carefully at your habit patterns. Do you need to watch Sportscenter each morning? Could you get up 15 minutes earlier? Could you put off checking your e-mail until you have had some time to read your Bible and converse with God? Could you devote your lunch break to be alone with God?
Learning to discern God’s voice takes time and diligence. A five minute devotional at the end of the day isn’t enough. How well would you know your mate’s desires if you only spent five minutes a day communicating?! As with a marriage, so it is with God—there must be extended times of quiet interaction to be able to hear His voice. Would you set aside some extra time this week to be with your Father? He is waiting and wanting to talk with you.
2008/05/07
The Time Crunch: Focus On Key Relationships
Have you ever tallied the people you encounter in your daily life? My partial list includes: my wife, my kids, my grandkids, my neighbors, my students, members of my church, extended family, fellow board members of a local ministry, business associates, athletic friends, men from a morning Bible study. But that isn’t all. Modern technology allows me to have regular contact with former students & classmates, missionaries in the Ukraine and Israel, former Sioux Falls residents, couples I taught at a summer Family Camp. Furthermore, I am presently corresponding with two former candidates for Senior Pastor of our church (I was the chairman of the Search Committee) and the wife (whom I have never met) of a troubled former student.
Many of us feel like we are drowning in a crowded sea of relationships. This isn’t the way it was a century ago. Professor Ken Gergen explains: A century ago, social relationships were largely confined to the distance of an easy walk. Most were conducted in person, within small communities: family, neighbors, townspeople. Yes, the horse and carriage made longer trips possible, but even a trip of thirty miles could take all day. The railroad could speed one away, but cost and availability limited such travel. If one moved from the community, relationships were likely to end.
Now obviously, in a Biblical lifestyle, people are very important—the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. But that doesn’t mean that I am obligated to develop a relationship with every person who drifts through my life. In descending order, Jesus spent the most time with his closest friends (Peter, James and John), next the Twelve, then a committed group of 72 disciples, the larger body of disciples, and finally, the masses.
Many of us feel harried because we are trying to keep up with too many relationships. Thus, relationships—which are designed to be renewing—become a drain on us. When I flit from one shallow relationship to another, who knows when I am tempted? when I am hurting? when I need encouragement?
When I try to maintain too many relationships, I don’t have time for the most important relationships. Who begs me to spend 15 minutes reading with my kids at bedtime? Who exhorts me to spend quiet time with God? Who twists my arm to date my wife? In Deuteronomy, Moses explained that a newly married husband was freed from work and military duties for one year so he could bring happiness to his bride. Wow! A 52 week honeymoon!
God wants us to give priority to our most significant relationships. We can’t do this unless we say “No” to many other relationships.
Many of us feel like we are drowning in a crowded sea of relationships. This isn’t the way it was a century ago. Professor Ken Gergen explains: A century ago, social relationships were largely confined to the distance of an easy walk. Most were conducted in person, within small communities: family, neighbors, townspeople. Yes, the horse and carriage made longer trips possible, but even a trip of thirty miles could take all day. The railroad could speed one away, but cost and availability limited such travel. If one moved from the community, relationships were likely to end.
Now obviously, in a Biblical lifestyle, people are very important—the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. But that doesn’t mean that I am obligated to develop a relationship with every person who drifts through my life. In descending order, Jesus spent the most time with his closest friends (Peter, James and John), next the Twelve, then a committed group of 72 disciples, the larger body of disciples, and finally, the masses.
Many of us feel harried because we are trying to keep up with too many relationships. Thus, relationships—which are designed to be renewing—become a drain on us. When I flit from one shallow relationship to another, who knows when I am tempted? when I am hurting? when I need encouragement?
When I try to maintain too many relationships, I don’t have time for the most important relationships. Who begs me to spend 15 minutes reading with my kids at bedtime? Who exhorts me to spend quiet time with God? Who twists my arm to date my wife? In Deuteronomy, Moses explained that a newly married husband was freed from work and military duties for one year so he could bring happiness to his bride. Wow! A 52 week honeymoon!
God wants us to give priority to our most significant relationships. We can’t do this unless we say “No” to many other relationships.
2008/04/14
The Time Crunch: On a Mission to Everywhere
Busy. Busy. Busy. Most of us are caught up in a frenzy of activity that leaves us exhausted and edgy. But in spite of the crush of human need, Jesus never appeared to be in a hurry. Why not? An incident from early in his ministry is revealing.
Jesus had spent the day teaching and healing in Capernaum. (Mark 1) But the day didn’t end until well after sunset because the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed--it appeared that the whole town had gathered at the home of Peter’s mother-in-law. Very early the next morning, Jesus retreated to a solitary place to pray. When the miffed disciples finally found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!” What an opportunity—doors flung wide open for ministry. Why not rent a public building and have nightly meetings for the next 30 days? Imagine what Jesus could do in a month—there wouldn’t be a broken bone or a broken marriage in the entire city.
But astoundingly (to the Twelve) Jesus declined the invitation: “Let us go somewhere else so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.” Jesus knew his purpose. He knew what God had called him to do. That made it possible to decline such a tempting offer.
Mark Buchanan in Your God Is Too Safe, has observed that “at the heart of Jesus’ ministry was a holy must. He must go through Samaria. He must go to Jerusalem. He must suffer. Everything he did or refused to do centered around that.” This must brought “wonderful clarity” to Jesus’ choices.
Many of us have no God-inflamed purpose which drives and directs our choices: “There is activity. There is opinion. There is busyness. But there is nothing ... to convert selfish ambition into holy purpose.” We are like Jerry Sittser who lamented his inability to say “no”: “I am like a man on a mission to everywhere.”
Jesus didn’t heal every sick person or preach in every synagogue or accept every invitation. But he did accomplish every task the Father assigned to him. Many of us let friends or relatives or pastors, rather than God, fix our agendas. We need to respond to significant requests of our time by praying: "Lord, is this how you want me to use my time and gifts?"
Jesus had spent the day teaching and healing in Capernaum. (Mark 1) But the day didn’t end until well after sunset because the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed--it appeared that the whole town had gathered at the home of Peter’s mother-in-law. Very early the next morning, Jesus retreated to a solitary place to pray. When the miffed disciples finally found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!” What an opportunity—doors flung wide open for ministry. Why not rent a public building and have nightly meetings for the next 30 days? Imagine what Jesus could do in a month—there wouldn’t be a broken bone or a broken marriage in the entire city.
But astoundingly (to the Twelve) Jesus declined the invitation: “Let us go somewhere else so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.” Jesus knew his purpose. He knew what God had called him to do. That made it possible to decline such a tempting offer.
Mark Buchanan in Your God Is Too Safe, has observed that “at the heart of Jesus’ ministry was a holy must. He must go through Samaria. He must go to Jerusalem. He must suffer. Everything he did or refused to do centered around that.” This must brought “wonderful clarity” to Jesus’ choices.
Many of us have no God-inflamed purpose which drives and directs our choices: “There is activity. There is opinion. There is busyness. But there is nothing ... to convert selfish ambition into holy purpose.” We are like Jerry Sittser who lamented his inability to say “no”: “I am like a man on a mission to everywhere.”
Jesus didn’t heal every sick person or preach in every synagogue or accept every invitation. But he did accomplish every task the Father assigned to him. Many of us let friends or relatives or pastors, rather than God, fix our agendas. We need to respond to significant requests of our time by praying: "Lord, is this how you want me to use my time and gifts?"
2008/03/27
The Time Crunch, Part 1
Does this poem by Michael Quoist sound familiar?
Goodbye, sir, excuse me, I haven’t time.
I’ll come back, I can’t wait, I haven’t time.
I must end this letter—I haven’t time.
I can’t accept, having no time.
I can’t think, I can’t read, I’m swamped, I haven’t time.
I’d like to pray, but I haven’t time...
You understand, Lord, we simply haven’t the time....
Lord, you must have made a mistake in your calculations.
There is a big mistake somewhere.
the hours are too short,
The days are too short,
Our lives are too short....
How has this happened? How have we become such time paupers when so many modern inventions have eased the burdens of daily life? Peter Kreeft points out that if we stop someone on the street and ask, "Do you have a free hour or two to converse about the best things in life, about wisdom and virtue, about truth and goodness?” we should expect to hear a ready yes more than any of our ancestors could. Yet, of course, the situation is exactly the opposite. It is much less likely today than at any time in the past that anyone will have a free hour for the most important things in life.
Our ancestors, who had to haul their water and grow their own food and sew their own clothing, didn’t complain about a lack of time and seemed to have more time for what is truly important. And so should we. God created ample time for each of us to accomplish all he calls us to do—if we will learn how to use time wisely: Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of the time because the days are evil. (Eph.5:15,16)
Goodbye, sir, excuse me, I haven’t time.
I’ll come back, I can’t wait, I haven’t time.
I must end this letter—I haven’t time.
I can’t accept, having no time.
I can’t think, I can’t read, I’m swamped, I haven’t time.
I’d like to pray, but I haven’t time...
You understand, Lord, we simply haven’t the time....
Lord, you must have made a mistake in your calculations.
There is a big mistake somewhere.
the hours are too short,
The days are too short,
Our lives are too short....
How has this happened? How have we become such time paupers when so many modern inventions have eased the burdens of daily life? Peter Kreeft points out that if we stop someone on the street and ask, "Do you have a free hour or two to converse about the best things in life, about wisdom and virtue, about truth and goodness?” we should expect to hear a ready yes more than any of our ancestors could. Yet, of course, the situation is exactly the opposite. It is much less likely today than at any time in the past that anyone will have a free hour for the most important things in life.
Our ancestors, who had to haul their water and grow their own food and sew their own clothing, didn’t complain about a lack of time and seemed to have more time for what is truly important. And so should we. God created ample time for each of us to accomplish all he calls us to do—if we will learn how to use time wisely: Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of the time because the days are evil. (Eph.5:15,16)
2008/02/11
Kids' Lies
"Please, dear God, help Mom and Dad know that I am telling the truth," an 8 year-old boy pleaded. This boy's parents had accused him of lying and he was hoping for a divine rescue. When further evidence was accumulated, it became apparent that the boy was lying and he finally confessed. This boy's parents came to see me because their son had a recurring problem with lying. They had tried spanking him, taking away privileges, grounding him--nothing seemed to work. How should they react to their son’s behavior?
Though lying is certainly a sin, nearly all children lie. But a heavy-handed response is seldom the right way to discourage lying. God promised Abraham and Sarah that they would have a son. Over two decades later, when this couple was well past their childbearing days, the son had still not been born. So the angel of the Lord visited Abraham's tent and announced a son would be born within the year. When Sarah overheard this, she laughed, thinking: "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"
The angel of the Lord confronted Sarah, asking, "Why did [you] laugh? Is anything too hard for the Lord?"
But Sarah denied she laughed: "Sarah was afraid, so she lied, and said, `I did not laugh.'"
But God knew the truth: "Yes, you did laugh."
How did God correct Sarah? He didn't lash her with a fifty minute lecture about the evils of lying. He didn’t tell her she was a bad person. He didn't take back his promise of a son. All he did was mildly correct her: “Yes, you did laugh.” When lying is gently corrected it normally won’t become a major problem.
Furthermore, God did not ask Sarah whether she laughed—He knew she had lied. Instead, he asked why she laughed. If you know your child is lying, don’t give him an opportunity to lie. Don’t ask: “Did you hit your brother?” Rather, say: “I know you hit your brother and we can’t allow that.” Lying can become habitual—don’t give your child unnecessary opportunities to develop that habit.
When we suspected, but couldn’t prove, our boys were lying, Cathy and I reminded them: “The critical issue isn’t our judgment, but God’s judgment. If you are telling the truth, God knows. And if you are lying, God also knows. We’ll leave it between you and God.” When children recognize that the approval of their all-seeing Father is foremost, then lying often becomes a smaller problem. As this truth was planted in our boys' hearts, their squabbles often included this perspective. If two of them came to us with conflicting stories, one of them often turned to the other and said with prophet-like conviction: “God knows!”
Though lying is certainly a sin, nearly all children lie. But a heavy-handed response is seldom the right way to discourage lying. God promised Abraham and Sarah that they would have a son. Over two decades later, when this couple was well past their childbearing days, the son had still not been born. So the angel of the Lord visited Abraham's tent and announced a son would be born within the year. When Sarah overheard this, she laughed, thinking: "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"
The angel of the Lord confronted Sarah, asking, "Why did [you] laugh? Is anything too hard for the Lord?"
But Sarah denied she laughed: "Sarah was afraid, so she lied, and said, `I did not laugh.'"
But God knew the truth: "Yes, you did laugh."
How did God correct Sarah? He didn't lash her with a fifty minute lecture about the evils of lying. He didn’t tell her she was a bad person. He didn't take back his promise of a son. All he did was mildly correct her: “Yes, you did laugh.” When lying is gently corrected it normally won’t become a major problem.
Furthermore, God did not ask Sarah whether she laughed—He knew she had lied. Instead, he asked why she laughed. If you know your child is lying, don’t give him an opportunity to lie. Don’t ask: “Did you hit your brother?” Rather, say: “I know you hit your brother and we can’t allow that.” Lying can become habitual—don’t give your child unnecessary opportunities to develop that habit.
When we suspected, but couldn’t prove, our boys were lying, Cathy and I reminded them: “The critical issue isn’t our judgment, but God’s judgment. If you are telling the truth, God knows. And if you are lying, God also knows. We’ll leave it between you and God.” When children recognize that the approval of their all-seeing Father is foremost, then lying often becomes a smaller problem. As this truth was planted in our boys' hearts, their squabbles often included this perspective. If two of them came to us with conflicting stories, one of them often turned to the other and said with prophet-like conviction: “God knows!”
2008/01/03
Divorce: Renewing a Broken Marriage
The Pharisees asked Jesus: "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" (Mt.19:8). Wrong question! The legality of divorce is not the place to begin a discussion about divorce.
Jesus reminded the Pharisees that God weaves the souls of a husband and a wife together: "they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Their first question should have been about how to maintain this God-founded unity.
The disciples were stunned by Jesus’ high standard: "If this is the situation between a man and his wife, then it is better not to marry." They didn't believe it was humanly possible to fulfill such a commitment. They were right--without God's help marriage is impossible. That’s why marital conflict should send us to our knees before it sends us to our lawyer.
There’s so much that you can do to resuscitate a dying marriage:
Since divorce is seldom the relief that people anticipate, dig in, plant some seeds, pull some weeds, wait for a harvest. A healthy marriage is one of life's choicest fruits.
Jesus reminded the Pharisees that God weaves the souls of a husband and a wife together: "they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Their first question should have been about how to maintain this God-founded unity.
The disciples were stunned by Jesus’ high standard: "If this is the situation between a man and his wife, then it is better not to marry." They didn't believe it was humanly possible to fulfill such a commitment. They were right--without God's help marriage is impossible. That’s why marital conflict should send us to our knees before it sends us to our lawyer.
There’s so much that you can do to resuscitate a dying marriage:
- Get honest. Do you ask God to reveal your marital sins? to teach you how to love an unlovely mate? Even after nearly four decades of marriage, I still find it nearly as hard to say "I was wrong" as I do to lift a thousand pounds. I still make my suggestions sound like commands. I still can be as stubborn as a South Dakota winter. Without continually opening myself to God, I can become complacent or blind to my sins—thus demoralizing my wife and making it harder for her to deal with her own shortcomings.
- Get help. Find someone with a growing marriage who will pray with you, who will teach you, who will be honest with you. But be careful—not all friends are created equal. Some will advise you to dump a marriage that can be revived. Look for a different friend!
- Get educated. How successful would you be at your job without schooling? without reading books or journals? without attending seminars? Similarly, how can you expect to have a successful marriage without training? Read a book on marriage each year. Attend an occasional seminar. Join a Bible study on marriage.
Since divorce is seldom the relief that people anticipate, dig in, plant some seeds, pull some weeds, wait for a harvest. A healthy marriage is one of life's choicest fruits.
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