The Problem of Comparisons
Most Americans agree with former President Gerald Ford who believed that “there are few things more important to a country’s growth and well-being than competitive athletics.” But is competitive athletics an unqualified blessing for all children? Unfortunately not.
Sports repeatedly expose children to comparisons, revealing who can throw farther, kick harder, run faster, score more points, etc. One sports psychologist believes these constant comparisons can be especially damaging to the child who frequently ends up on the bottom: The important point is that many children engage in intense competition over extended periods of time with similar consequences being repeated over and over again. It is this repetition that makes developmental considerations relevant. Childhood is a time in which to develop the confidence of being able to do a job well. When a child regularly experiences negative comparisons, it may lead to feeling incompetent or unworthy.
Yet, you might ask, Isn’t sports just one area of a child’s life? Can’t poor performers in sports raise their confidence in other activities? Some do—but many do not. The problem is that few other activities are so observable to parents and peers. Novelist James Michener, even though he was making A’s in school, noted: I can’t recall a single instance in which any member of my community gave me any accolades for such accomplishment. In [my town] all that mattered was sports, and even today across America things are not much different.
A partial solution to the problem of comparisons is to measure a child’s performance against her past performances—the time she runs a race, the number of jumps she makes in a rope-jumping time trial, the number of times she kicks a ball in a soccer game, the number of rebounds she makes in a basketball game. If you keep individual statistics for your child, you will help her feel good when she has improved her performance.
Furthermore, the emphasis given to comparative differences will often determine how children are affected. Another sports psychologist explains: Unless you give everyone the same kind of trophy, you’re telling the loser, “You’re different from the winner.” But children know who the better ball players are. To give out trophies simply accentuates this difference. It makes the youngster who doesn’t have talent feel even less capable, and it give a distorted perspective to the child who gets the higher trophy.
Eventually children must use these comparative differences in positive ways—e.g., to push themselves to become better or to determine that their gifts lie elsewhere. In the meantime, we adults must protect the weaker athletes from being crushed by what they observe.
2008/12/07
The Weaknesses of Children's Sports, Part 2
Ethical Compromise
The winning-is-the-only-thing attitude that pervades much of sports today will inevitably lead to ethical abuses. Willie Williams was an exceptional high school football player. He had one small problem: he had been arrested 12 times (one of those on a recruiting trip!) The University of Louisville, coached by Bobby Petrino at that time, still signed him to play for them--he was later kicked off UL’s team when he was arrested (surprise!) on a drug charge. Though Mr. Williams is one of the extreme cases, Dan Le Batard, sports columnist for the Miami Herald, concludes that you can’t win at the highest levels of a sport as savage and cutthroat as college football without compromising some of your educational mission along the way.
Educational mission? At times, those words are a joke. Jim Harrick’s final exam in “Coaching Principles” at the Univ. of Georgia--a class which included several athletes from his basketball team--included these challenging questions:
The winning-is-the-only-thing attitude that pervades much of sports today will inevitably lead to ethical abuses. Willie Williams was an exceptional high school football player. He had one small problem: he had been arrested 12 times (one of those on a recruiting trip!) The University of Louisville, coached by Bobby Petrino at that time, still signed him to play for them--he was later kicked off UL’s team when he was arrested (surprise!) on a drug charge. Though Mr. Williams is one of the extreme cases, Dan Le Batard, sports columnist for the Miami Herald, concludes that you can’t win at the highest levels of a sport as savage and cutthroat as college football without compromising some of your educational mission along the way.
Educational mission? At times, those words are a joke. Jim Harrick’s final exam in “Coaching Principles” at the Univ. of Georgia--a class which included several athletes from his basketball team--included these challenging questions:
- “How many halves are in a college basketball game?”
- “Diagram the half court line."
- “How many goals are there on a basketball court?”
- “How many players can play at a time from one team?”
Does it matter if I promise a young black man a good education but counsel him to take easy, meaningless courses to ensure his eligibility? Does it matter if I lie about my child’s age so that he can be successful among a younger group of athletes? Does it matter if a coach bends the rules so his kids can win? One youth coach witnessed the depth to which a fellow coach stooped to win: We have this must-play rule where every player is supposed to play a series every quarter. This coach worked out a scheme whereby he’d send the poor player, No.50, say, in with, say No.60. The woman who checks the subs—we call her the watchdog—checks off 50 and 60, coming in. Then as soon as 50 gets to the huddle he turns around and runs back off with the player 60 was sent in for. The watchdog wasn’t asked to check who went out, only who went in. No.50 never played. The process does matter. It matters to No.50 and to the other players who witness such deception. They are being given a Grade A lesson in the School of Winning—a school with a limited curriculum.
Christians in sports have also demonstrated an expedient ethic. We have used the witness of big-name athletes without knowing the depth of their commitment. We justify it by saying it will attract more kids to Jesus. But what happens when that athlete is arrested for a DUI? Or is seen cursing a referee? Or later confesses that his interest in religion was just a fad? How does this effect those young athletes who heard his witness? The means do matter.
2008/11/12
The Weaknesses of Children's Sports, Part 1
An Overemphasis On Winning
A friend’s 6 year-old daughter was recruited to play on a softball team. At the beginning of the season, the coaches told the girls: “The pitcher is the most important player on the team.” (How foolish! Kids instinctively know who are the most important players. Why accentuate that?) Not surprisingly, my friend’s daughter began to practice pitching. But when she had an opportunity to pitch during a scrimmage, she was so nervous that she didn’t perform well. Still, the coach promised she would pitch an inning in their first game. When her inning came, she took the mound and started warming up but the coach replaced her with another girl, explaining later: “We needed to win.” Say what?! Why did you need to win? Why was winning more important than the developing self-image of a young girl? My friend explained that even though her daughter is the best base stealer and hitter on the team, she has never gotten over her pitching "failure".
In sports today we place much too much emphasis on winning. Flip Saunders coached the Detroit Pistons for three years. During his tenure he won 70% of his games, leading his team to the conference finals three straight years. His reward for such solid coaching? He got fired after the 2008 season. Management explained: "There are no sacred cows here. You lose that sacred-cow status when you lose three straight years like this." Lose? We’re losers unless we win it all?!
Winning is not all that importnat to kids. While watching a baseball game with my son—he was about six at the time—he wanted to know why the home team didn’t get to bat in the bottom of the ninth. I thought it was obvious, but explained that since the home team was ahead, they would win the game whether they batted or not. He got a funny look on his face and said, “So what?” He thought the home team would feel cheated because they didn’t get to bat as many times as the losing team. For him, playing was paramount, winning was secondary. Surveys indicate that kids would rather play on a losing team than sit on the bench on a winning team. Those surveys indicate that kids participate in sports for the following reasons (listed in the order of their importance):
A friend’s 6 year-old daughter was recruited to play on a softball team. At the beginning of the season, the coaches told the girls: “The pitcher is the most important player on the team.” (How foolish! Kids instinctively know who are the most important players. Why accentuate that?) Not surprisingly, my friend’s daughter began to practice pitching. But when she had an opportunity to pitch during a scrimmage, she was so nervous that she didn’t perform well. Still, the coach promised she would pitch an inning in their first game. When her inning came, she took the mound and started warming up but the coach replaced her with another girl, explaining later: “We needed to win.” Say what?! Why did you need to win? Why was winning more important than the developing self-image of a young girl? My friend explained that even though her daughter is the best base stealer and hitter on the team, she has never gotten over her pitching "failure".
In sports today we place much too much emphasis on winning. Flip Saunders coached the Detroit Pistons for three years. During his tenure he won 70% of his games, leading his team to the conference finals three straight years. His reward for such solid coaching? He got fired after the 2008 season. Management explained: "There are no sacred cows here. You lose that sacred-cow status when you lose three straight years like this." Lose? We’re losers unless we win it all?!
Winning is not all that importnat to kids. While watching a baseball game with my son—he was about six at the time—he wanted to know why the home team didn’t get to bat in the bottom of the ninth. I thought it was obvious, but explained that since the home team was ahead, they would win the game whether they batted or not. He got a funny look on his face and said, “So what?” He thought the home team would feel cheated because they didn’t get to bat as many times as the losing team. For him, playing was paramount, winning was secondary. Surveys indicate that kids would rather play on a losing team than sit on the bench on a winning team. Those surveys indicate that kids participate in sports for the following reasons (listed in the order of their importance):
- have fun
- improve and learn new skills
- make and build friendships
- become physically fit
- win
I coached my son Jered’s select soccer team for several years. Though I know they remember some of the games they competed in, their fondest memories are about traveling, staying in hotels, cooling off in local lakes, hanging out with their friends, staying up late.
2008/10/24
The Strengths of Children’s Sports: Part 3
An Opportunity for Success
When our youngest was 11 he was playing in a championship soccer game that ended regulation in a tie. As a result, the game went to a shootout—each team was given five penalty kicks—to determine the eventual champion. My son’s team won the shootout 3-1 and my son was one of the boys who successfully executed the penalty shot. After the game I asked him: “Were you nervous?” He responded: “Not really. The net looked so big, I didn’t see how I could miss!” What was the source of his confidence ? It was based primarily on past successes on the playing field.
Child development expert, David Elkind, has pointed out that “childhood is the time when children establish either a firm sense of industry—that they can do a job and do it well—or an abiding sense of inferiority, a sense that whatever they undertake will end badly.” Every child needs to feel that he is uniquely good at something—whether it is playing a musical instrument, hitting a tennis ball, or drawing a picture. Success in sports can give children an I-can-do-it attitude toward other challenges at school, at work, in a marriage, in a walk with God.
God's standard for success is faithfulness: Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. (I Cor.4:2) Each child has been entrusted with varying amounts and types of talents. It is our job as parents to help our kids recognize how God has uniquely gifted them for various tasks in life. (Sports is just one small area.) When our son, Andrew, began playing soccer, I (who was also his coach) noticed that he had the endurance of a South Dakota winter. As a result, I chose to play him as a midfielder. Though he scored occasionally, I told him his job was broader than that--he also had to think defensively. But his older brother, Nathan, who also played soccer, was a scorer. After one game in which Nathan had scored two goals, he gave the family a very animated description of how he had scored. Near the end of his story, Andrew leaned over to me and whispered: "Dad, I'm not supposed to score goals, am I?" I whispered back: "No, Andrew, your job is to get the ball from our opponents and get it to our scorers." Andrew became content not scoring because success had been defined in a way that fit his talents.
You can help your child be successful by setting achievable goals that fit his God-given talents:
When our youngest was 11 he was playing in a championship soccer game that ended regulation in a tie. As a result, the game went to a shootout—each team was given five penalty kicks—to determine the eventual champion. My son’s team won the shootout 3-1 and my son was one of the boys who successfully executed the penalty shot. After the game I asked him: “Were you nervous?” He responded: “Not really. The net looked so big, I didn’t see how I could miss!” What was the source of his confidence ? It was based primarily on past successes on the playing field.
Child development expert, David Elkind, has pointed out that “childhood is the time when children establish either a firm sense of industry—that they can do a job and do it well—or an abiding sense of inferiority, a sense that whatever they undertake will end badly.” Every child needs to feel that he is uniquely good at something—whether it is playing a musical instrument, hitting a tennis ball, or drawing a picture. Success in sports can give children an I-can-do-it attitude toward other challenges at school, at work, in a marriage, in a walk with God.
God's standard for success is faithfulness: Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. (I Cor.4:2) Each child has been entrusted with varying amounts and types of talents. It is our job as parents to help our kids recognize how God has uniquely gifted them for various tasks in life. (Sports is just one small area.) When our son, Andrew, began playing soccer, I (who was also his coach) noticed that he had the endurance of a South Dakota winter. As a result, I chose to play him as a midfielder. Though he scored occasionally, I told him his job was broader than that--he also had to think defensively. But his older brother, Nathan, who also played soccer, was a scorer. After one game in which Nathan had scored two goals, he gave the family a very animated description of how he had scored. Near the end of his story, Andrew leaned over to me and whispered: "Dad, I'm not supposed to score goals, am I?" I whispered back: "No, Andrew, your job is to get the ball from our opponents and get it to our scorers." Andrew became content not scoring because success had been defined in a way that fit his talents.
You can help your child be successful by setting achievable goals that fit his God-given talents:
- pulling down a certain number of rebounds
- scoring one goal in a whole season
- making 50% of his free throws
- tackling two opponents
When I was a boy one of my best friends played on a baseball team that was made up of boys who were cut by Little League teams. My friend--who wasn't a talented player--had two hitting goals that season. The first was to wrangle a walk as often as he could. He did that with some frequency. The second goal was to make contact with the ball at least once during the season! That took longer. When he finally made contact and dribbled the ball to the infield our bench erupted with joy. Success is everything!
2008/09/27
The Strengths of Children’s Sports: Part 2
Emotional Development
“Watch out, batter, batter! Here comes his high, hard one!”
“Hey, batter, this guy knocked a guy out last week!”
“Here it comes! Here it comes! Watch out! Duck!”
This was the atmosphere that our son, Jered, came to bat in a youth baseball game in the final inning with two outs, the bases loaded and his team down a run. What happened? He got beaned and fell to the ground! I raced out onto the field and knelt by him. I asked, “How are you?” He answered: “I’m O.K.” Then he whispered: “It was better than striking out.”
Children’s merciless badgering of opposing hitters has one goal: to scare them to death! And kids have to learn how to handle those emotions. Children in sports are confronted with a host of negative emotions: worry over their performance, fear of being tackled too hard, discouragement over a loss, anger over a referee’s decision. Fortunately, those emotions are usually washed away by other games and seasons. However, later in life disappointments won’t be so easily laundered. For example, the judgment of a man’s boss may limit that man’s lifelong opportunities for advancement. Sports provide opportunities for children to experiment with emotions without suffering enduring consequences.
Kids who are battling emotional conflict at home, may find a refuge in sports. One young woman believes that basketball was God’s gift to her: “To this day I know that God gave me the ability to play and love basketball so that I could have some sort of release in my life. It gave me an opportunity to get out of the house and get away from my family and release all of the emotions that were ripping me up inside.” This young woman is not alone--in numerous studies exercise has been found to act as an antidote to depression and anxiety.
Finally, sports may bolster children’s emotional lives by communicating that it is OK to have fun. Many summer mornings during my youth I rode the city bus across town to play sandlot baseball with my cousins and their friends. My mom was astonished at how early I would get up to play ball! Reminiscing, I find that I am one of those “numberless American males who cling as long as life and common sense will let them to the days when a game of baseball could fill a whole hot afternoon so full that it would run over at the edges.” Some of us work too hard, take life too seriously. The Apostle Paul reminds us that God “richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment” (I Tim.6:17). Sports can be one of God's gifts that simply increase our joy in this life.
“Watch out, batter, batter! Here comes his high, hard one!”
“Hey, batter, this guy knocked a guy out last week!”
“Here it comes! Here it comes! Watch out! Duck!”
This was the atmosphere that our son, Jered, came to bat in a youth baseball game in the final inning with two outs, the bases loaded and his team down a run. What happened? He got beaned and fell to the ground! I raced out onto the field and knelt by him. I asked, “How are you?” He answered: “I’m O.K.” Then he whispered: “It was better than striking out.”
Children’s merciless badgering of opposing hitters has one goal: to scare them to death! And kids have to learn how to handle those emotions. Children in sports are confronted with a host of negative emotions: worry over their performance, fear of being tackled too hard, discouragement over a loss, anger over a referee’s decision. Fortunately, those emotions are usually washed away by other games and seasons. However, later in life disappointments won’t be so easily laundered. For example, the judgment of a man’s boss may limit that man’s lifelong opportunities for advancement. Sports provide opportunities for children to experiment with emotions without suffering enduring consequences.
Kids who are battling emotional conflict at home, may find a refuge in sports. One young woman believes that basketball was God’s gift to her: “To this day I know that God gave me the ability to play and love basketball so that I could have some sort of release in my life. It gave me an opportunity to get out of the house and get away from my family and release all of the emotions that were ripping me up inside.” This young woman is not alone--in numerous studies exercise has been found to act as an antidote to depression and anxiety.
Finally, sports may bolster children’s emotional lives by communicating that it is OK to have fun. Many summer mornings during my youth I rode the city bus across town to play sandlot baseball with my cousins and their friends. My mom was astonished at how early I would get up to play ball! Reminiscing, I find that I am one of those “numberless American males who cling as long as life and common sense will let them to the days when a game of baseball could fill a whole hot afternoon so full that it would run over at the edges.” Some of us work too hard, take life too seriously. The Apostle Paul reminds us that God “richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment” (I Tim.6:17). Sports can be one of God's gifts that simply increase our joy in this life.
2008/09/10
Kids' Sports: A Blessing?
No running back has dominated the NFL like Jim Brown. He won the rushing title eight of nine years during his career. He is still the only player to average over 100 yards per game rushing. He was voted to the NFL Pro Bowl every year he played. And he believes that he benefited greatly from his involvement in sports:
Sports basically saved my life. . . . If I had never gone on to play at the professional level, I can safely say that the lessons I learned on the playing field in junior high and high school would have helped me through life in any other field. I walked away from those experiences knowing how to work hard, to concentrate. I knew how to get up after I lost and how to cope with the fact that I wasn’t always going to win. These lessons helped me gain confidence.
I could easily fill several large books with testimonials like Jim Brown's. Unfortunately, I could probably also fill a large book with testimonials of the negative impact of sports on children. What makes for the positive? the negative? To help your child’s sports’ memories be mostly positive, it is important to understand how sports can build or tear down children. The next few blogs will focus on the strengths and weaknesses of children's sports.
Physical Development
“Johnny, would you please mow the lawn this afternoon?”
“Dad, why do I always have to do it? Why don’t you ask Mary once in a while.
“I do ask her to help. But I’m asking you to help this time.”
“But Dad, you always make me do more.”
Ask a child to mow the lawn or clean his room, and he may act like you’ve asked him to wash all of the windows on the Empire State Building! But put him on a basketball court and he has the unconscious energy to play for hours. Sports are a way for children to get needed exercise-- without even knowing they are exercising.
How important is exercise? Exercise can not only by firm up the muscles and make the body look good, but it can also bring about positive changes in the cardiovascular system, reduce cholesterol and triglyceride levels in the blood, produce weight loss through caloric consumption, reduce blood pressure readings, and reapportion body fat.
Though the number of youth participants in sports is exploding, children’s waist-line is also exploding—the rate of childhood obesity doubled during the 80’s & 90’s. How can this be? Part of the reason our kids are obese is that they don’t maintain their commitment to exercise--over 75% of kids quit sports by the age of 15. Thus, one of our goals as parents should be to help our children develop the habit of exercise. No amount of exercise in childhood will be sufficient to support physical health as an adult.
Sports basically saved my life. . . . If I had never gone on to play at the professional level, I can safely say that the lessons I learned on the playing field in junior high and high school would have helped me through life in any other field. I walked away from those experiences knowing how to work hard, to concentrate. I knew how to get up after I lost and how to cope with the fact that I wasn’t always going to win. These lessons helped me gain confidence.
I could easily fill several large books with testimonials like Jim Brown's. Unfortunately, I could probably also fill a large book with testimonials of the negative impact of sports on children. What makes for the positive? the negative? To help your child’s sports’ memories be mostly positive, it is important to understand how sports can build or tear down children. The next few blogs will focus on the strengths and weaknesses of children's sports.
Physical Development
“Johnny, would you please mow the lawn this afternoon?”
“Dad, why do I always have to do it? Why don’t you ask Mary once in a while.
“I do ask her to help. But I’m asking you to help this time.”
“But Dad, you always make me do more.”
Ask a child to mow the lawn or clean his room, and he may act like you’ve asked him to wash all of the windows on the Empire State Building! But put him on a basketball court and he has the unconscious energy to play for hours. Sports are a way for children to get needed exercise-- without even knowing they are exercising.
How important is exercise? Exercise can not only by firm up the muscles and make the body look good, but it can also bring about positive changes in the cardiovascular system, reduce cholesterol and triglyceride levels in the blood, produce weight loss through caloric consumption, reduce blood pressure readings, and reapportion body fat.
Though the number of youth participants in sports is exploding, children’s waist-line is also exploding—the rate of childhood obesity doubled during the 80’s & 90’s. How can this be? Part of the reason our kids are obese is that they don’t maintain their commitment to exercise--over 75% of kids quit sports by the age of 15. Thus, one of our goals as parents should be to help our children develop the habit of exercise. No amount of exercise in childhood will be sufficient to support physical health as an adult.
2008/08/03
The Time Crunch: My “Stop-doing” List
Jim Collins in his bestseller, Good to Great, advises people to not only keep a “to do” list but also a “stop doing” list. If we will liposuct (is that a word?!) the fat out of our schedules, we will be trim enough to follow God’s call. Here is some of my fat:
- T.V. Being a sports junkie, I can be as easily entertained by a college baseball game as by the World Series. Therefore, I must be selective on what and how I watch. If, for example, I want to watch a Twins baseball game, I start watching in the later innings so I won’t spend 3 hours watching a the game. Most of us would have time for what is truly important if we simply sliced our T.V. usage. In a recent survey, American households had the T.V. on for over 7 hours each day!
- Internet. The recent death of comedian George Carlin caused me to search YouTube for some of his routines. Soon I had spent over an hour listening to the good, the bad, and the vulgar humor of Mr. Carlin. It squeezed out my time of quiet with God.
Furthermore, e-mail can bloat my life. Do I need to check my inbox daily? Is every e-mail worth reading or responding to? I often receive the following e-mail: “I don’t normally forward messages, but you have to read this one.” I very seldom open those messages. - Phone. This was difficult for me. But if the phone is a constant interruption on a quiet evening with my wife, which is more important? With Caller ID's help, I now answer only the critical calls.
- Newspapers. I used to invest 30 minutes every morning reading the newspaper. But then I asked myself: Did I really need to know about the latest murder or natural disaster? Now I often let several days pile up and then read them all in 10-15 minutes.
- Kids’ activities. At some point I realized that I wouldn’t be arrested for missing one of my son’s ballgames! At times, there were more important tasks for me—spending time with one of his siblings, attending an adult Bible study, helping a friend.
- Shopping. On my way home, I feel the pull to stop at Menard’s even though I don’t really need anything. I am trying to avoid shopping unless I have a specific need.
- Job. In the last two decades, because parents are working more, children have lost 10-12 hours per week of time with their parents. How can you cut back? Take extra time off between jobs. Ask for more vacation—even if it must be unpaid. Don’t volunteer for overtime. Change jobs.
My grape vines are constantly sending out side shoots which will only sap the strength of the main vine. The result? Small, bitter fruit. Similarly, my life tends to sprout in every conceivable direction. If I don’t make a regular practice of pruning it, I won’t enjoy the abundant harvest God has planned for me.
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