Marriage, Part 7

Those Marvelous, Maddening Differences

Cathy lives by lists--grocery lists, shopping lists, ap­pointment lists, phone lists, household repair lists. I make a list once or twice a year and then quickly misplace it. Cathy is punctual, while I could show up 30 minutes late for a meeting with the President of the United States. Cathy is cold-natured, but I sweat at twenty below. Cathy relishes social gather­ings; I prefer solitude. Cathy enjoys the anticipation of planned events; I like spontaneity.

So, did I marry the wrong woman? Should I have found someone more like myself? No! No! No! Our profound differences are God-designed because marriage's intent is to compliment or complete individuals. The old adage that opposites attract is not only spot-on, it is also Biblical. After God created Adam he announced: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." The Hebrew word translated "suitable", literally means "corresponding to". Cathy has strengths where I have weaknesses; and I have strengths where she is weak.

Early in our marriage Cathy and I were leaving on a long trip. I carried our baggage to the car and began packing the trunk. When the trunk was full, I stuffed the remaining items in the back seat. When Cathy saw my work, she pulled everything out and repacked the car. When she was finished, everything fit into the trunk--with room to spare. My first response was anger--how dare she show me up like that! But once I realized that the ability to pack a trunk was not the measure of my manhood(!), I gladly relinquished the task to her. Her organizational abili­ties have been a tremendous blessing to me.

But all is not fun and games, These differences can become a breeding ground for conflict. He thinks the best vacation is a camping and fishing trip. She prefers a luxury suite at the Radisson. He comes from a family that barely noticed birthdays. Her family treated each birthday like a Bi-Centennial celebration!

What is God up to when he joins two dissimilar people? He is sharpening dull axes—and this grinding creates sparks! When I forget that punctuality is important to Cathy and make her unnecessarily late, I come face to face with my own selfishness. “Help me, Lord, submit to and grow from this sharpening process.”