Marriage, Part 8

REVIVING A BROKEN MARRIAGE

  

Why are so many marriages floundering? Many break down because couples hold “the faulty idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on being in love for ever. And when they find they are not, they think they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change.” (Keller)

But expecting the “in love” state to last more than a few years is hazardous. Think about it . . . “What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?” Marital love must change, must mature if it is to survive.

A mature, marital love certainly includes romantic feelings. C.S. Lewis explains how a warm, marital love can be maintained: “Do not waste time bothering whether you love your [spouse]; act as if you did.” His point? You don’t have to feel love to give love.

If your passion for your mate has cooled, that is O.K. Act like you do have those feelings—buy her flowers; give her a night off from the kids so she can enjoy dinner with her girlfriends; hire a sitter so the two of you can enjoy an overnight at a local hotel; fix that broken faucet that she has been grumbling about. Your deeds of love will eventually transform your feelings of love—and probably your mate’s as well!

We will never revive our broken marriages without God’s help. He has promised that if we “seek first his kingdom”, he will see that our other needs are met. Keller explains the impact of right and wrong priorities: ”When you seek happiness more than you seek Me, you will get neither.” But “when you seek me more than happiness you will get both.” The one who seeks God first, will find reserves when his marriage hits the inevitable rough spots.